Divorce or no Divorce???

I really dont know what to say although this is my second divorce in 18 years this feels so new to me. I will start out by saying that me and my wife met at our job 9 years ago. We met outside of work and talked and hit it off. I decided to move closer to our job and from the first night I moved she was with me and has been with me ever since. We dated for 3 years when she cheated on me with two different guy we both worked with at our job. I guess we do what all people do when cheating happens we faught about it but I decided that since we werent married I would let it roll off my back. We talked and decided to get married cause we loved each other very much. Well we were married on june 29th 2002 and in October of 2002 only 4 months after we were married I found out she was cheating again. I confronted her and she swore and promise she would never do it again. She told me the same thing she told me with the first two guy that all they did was kiss and hold hands. But this time was different cause I couldnt let it go. I put her through hell from that moment untill now. So five years hell I put her through. I have always been a playfull person and like to joke around with everybody. So I guess I get along with a lot of people. But I got it in my head that I really didnt care about this marriage and I would flirt or talk to girls that I worked with. And eventually I started seeing someone. It was just talk at first and after a few weeks it turned intimate. Well I got caught. I know this hurt her really bad but I didnt care. I wanted revenge I guess.This was in december of 2005. Me and her stayed together even through this but now we were giving each other hell over what the other had done. So on Febuary 2 2007 we started arguing. And she asked me what was wrong with me. I told her that I wasnt happy and all we do is fight and that either she should move out or I should. After arguing about this she left with the kids. She would come or call and beg and try to get me to let her come back. But eventually she stopped. Wel she had been gone for about 2 months and she totalled her car after leaving my house to go to her apartment. I went as fast as I could. I realized at that moment that I loved her and wanted her back. But I never told her because of pride. A few days later she wrote me a ltter tell me her inner feelings and her hopes and dreams and that she would love for us to get back together. I replied to her letter 2 days later but by then she had changed her mind. She told me that she had done a lot of soulsearching and decided that I was right. She said she has found the woman she was so many years ago and she was happy at the point she is at right now. I was shocked. I realized at that moment that I needed to do some soulsearching and find my priorities. I know now that I love her very much and I would do anything to have her back. I would cut off both legs to have her back. I am really upset and cant eat or sleep. I only sleep about 2 or 3 hours a day and might eat a burger every 2 days or something. I have lost weight and really dont feel good . I am not gonna ay I havent thought about shooting myself because I have. But I cant because of my kids and my father and mother and sisters. But I also know they wouldnt want me to suffer. So I dont know. Well me and her have been talking which is a good thing I guess.All she is saying now is that she has decided I was right and me and her need to be apart and be divorced. I asked her if this is something she has thought alot about and if she was absolutly positive that divorce is what she wants. And she tells me that she thinks this is what she wants. She want to stay married all this year untill next year when we get our income tax check so we can pay for a divorce. I am friggen dying here and I know that I would love for her to be back. I have let her know this and have tried everything that I can think of. I am positivly willing 100 percent if she does I will never stop working on my marriage and making it better. But she is sticking to her guns and wont come back. She also wants for both of us to see other people. She told me she could see whoever she wants and there wasnt a damn thing I could do about it. This kills me to think of seeing her with another man. And with my kids to boot. I am on a downward spiral and dont know what to do. Is there anybody that can give me advice or help me? Cause I am really in need of something. I guess I just wanna know if we will get divorced or is there anything I /WE can do to save this marriage? Tweet