Nope, you won't go crazy!
All you need to do is to step back from your concerns, give yourself a hug, and get busy on something small that you like very much.
The things you want will come, in ways you didn't expect...and when you aren't thinking about them.
Love pain is real...but it can't last forever. That is impossible.
When you are hurting, get out for a walk. Dress up a bit, and pretend that all is well.
Walk to the library, and look for information on a hobby. That's where happy/contented people go.
Pretend to be one of them.
Look up books on self-sufficency, gardening in a tiny patch, sprouting seeds in jars in your kitchen, and scrumbling. Read how to go fishing, and do it. Fishermen always like to help a beginner.
Look for stuff that you don't have to think about too hard.
Read some in the childrens' section, especially silly and fun books. Read a line or two out loud. Ask the librarian if they need a story-reader for kids.
Look at the bulletin board...see if there isn't a need for someone to do a simple task that you can handle.
Ask a polite question or two of someone who is non-threatening to you...and listen to what they say. You never know what is inside the quietest-looking people.
Make no big decisions until you have your feet solidly under you once more...no matter how long it takes.
You won't yet feel like lifting your head up and taking a good look at what is around you, outside of your own heavy concerns...but soon.
Be gentle with yourself.
Hug yourself whenever you need to...your subconscious doesn't care WHO does the comforting, just that it gets DONE!
Let all the reasons WHY go, for now. The real answers won't make much sense to you right now.
Soon. And they will be far different than you think at this point.
I've been there...most of us have.
Make a nice little warm nest for yourself...a circle of warmth. Someday someone will come and join you. You don't want any of your unhappiness cluttering up the place!
So, drop the computering early today, and stroll on over to your library.
You'll be glad you did!
Fledgling