Re: no passion with husband of seven years

I observed that this happens mostly because husband (in your case) has managed to poison the relationship somehow. These things that poison the relationship are under the radar, and therefore go unnoticed. Sort of like cyanide which someone puts in food in tiny amounts over time - it will kill, but no one will know. Same here.

Or sometimes, WE are the ones who were trained and brought up with these poisonous patterns of behaviour. But most often it is both parties.

If you could learn to observe those little putdowns that are directed at you, or that you direct at him, or to hear those little nuances in the tone of his voice, and then to connect that to your emotional state, you'd be well on your way towards happines. Some of it is explained in books by Eric Berne ("What do you say after you say hello" for instance). Don't expect quick results though.

Thing is, all of those communication things that happen have a cumulative effect, and after a while, you loose interest in your partner. I know because it happened to me, and I went to therapy to try and see what happened. I thought it must've been me. And at least partially - it was. But her part was there too. Luckily we both recognized that, and are workin on it. It is essential not to ever let those little poisonous exchanges go unnoticed. Ever. IF they do happen - notice them, bring them up, and make sure you correct them - whoever did it, needs to apologize from their heart.

And then passion slowly comes back.

Either that, or maybe you're just not the kind of person who loves deeply, and instead prefers short thrills... That's something only you know; but typically those types find it very easy to have an affair. Tweet