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Re: Most of you are lucky that your depressed about something else. I wish I could be you
bobadd18 Views: 2,953
Published: 17 years ago
This is a reply to # 746,618

Re: Most of you are lucky that your depressed about something else. I wish I could be you

I am kind of in the sane situation,i can truly feel your pain.I am 18 gong on 19 and have BO for about 6 going on 7 years.Its sooooo hard-trust me i know- to try to live day after day, struggling to win a battle that seems you can never win,it hurts your self-esteem and most importantly for me ,my pride!I feel unhuman, like i came form another planet. its hurts me soo hard becuase people dont know to the EXTREMES we go to rid ourselves of this odor, how hard we wash and scrub our bodies and clean our clothes counless times though the week, just to have people come around you like your a big truck of nasty stinky garbage.GOD,ITS SOOO HARD!I try not to think about the suicidal thoughts but i cant stop myself i think about more than i should. To myself im thinking"Why dont i just do it so i could stop trying to fight in a war thats already been won,and put an end to my misery, but most of all im thinking just do it so i could stop polluting the air that others would have to smell. Yep, thats right, in the end i think about others more than i think about myself,funny huh? People dont understand how much you grow fearful of the world-staying confined to a room everday not facing social interaction unless i truly have to, and then i go into panic attacks and have to calm myself. It so bad!I dont know what to do,i see people living and enjoying their lives and that just really breaks my heart because i want to do that too. You just dont know how much i would give just to get rid of this smell and have people around me- not exactly hugging me- but just sitting by me and not caughing and not making frown faces and not sniffing-I would give everything probably give my life to have that just for one day! I get so exhausted in a day and it can only be before 11 o clock in the morning and all my energy is drained. This BO has completely taken over my life and its making me see myself as others see me-disgusting, pathetic but most of all a dirty ass dog!

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