Abortion because of illness

In 2001, only 6 months after being with my boyfriend I was booked in for a laperoscopy because I was having severe (what I thought at the time were..) gynaecological problems, they had been going on for about 3 years prior to our meeting. 2 weeks before the procedure I found out I was pregnant. I had to come to the decision that I could go ahead with a pregnancy with a man I didn't know that well, or finally find out what was wrong with me. I was scared and chose to have the termination and the laperoscopy procedure at the same time. Unfortunately the laperscopy didn't show anything up and I was absolutely devestated and instantly I was traumatised by the selfish decision I made. It took me a long time to come to terms with the decision, and 12 months later a routine ulstrsound showed that I had a massive tumour on my liver, which I duly had removed, the diagnosis was a little late in coming for me, but know I sort of feel I made the right decision, as having the baby would have been very dangerous.
Now 4 years on, my boyfriend is now my husband. I am 1 1/2 years down the line after my liver resection, and we have been trying for a baby for the last 12 months. I just can't understand how after accidentally getting pregnant in 2001 I am struggling to get pregnant at all now. I am now 34 and don't want to miss out, but most of the time I feel it serves me right, and that I am now being punished for having a termination. Am I stupid to think like this? could having a termination ruined my chances of conceiving now? I would love some advise from anybody out there. Tweet