Every thing that is a spirit is not good...When you had a negative experience, I imagine that your experience was changed when you returned to your body. Back in your body ..dark spirits try to corrupt what was beautiful.When I returned from my NDE, I had several lucid dreams... that tried to change my perception of what I had experienced....Once you return to your corruptable flesh....the flesh tries to make sense of what you experienced in fleshly terms that you can understand...I have often fought this battle...My memory of my NDE often trys to force itself into my belief system....
I wonder if your belief system makes God out to be a judge/executioner...waiting to send the sinners off to hell?
That was my belief system before my journey to the light...when I returned...I could no longer consider myself a "good person." My selfish sexuality, my self centered actions, my wretched flesh could never compare to the spiritual me that I became when I died...I knew very well what good was, "God=Love=Good", and I knew I could never measure up to that kind of goodness...But I went around for years telling peeps I loved them...trying to be "Like" God or godlike...but it didn't work...I couldn't love peeps the way God loved me... But I came to understand that"God" loved me no matter what I said or did...God loved me... and then I began to undestand something about what you are saying,
"because, it was bad, and I know I haven't done enough
on this earth. I think that I have been given reminders
that I am not here to have fun, and am not here for my
own entertainment. I have a lot of guilt."
You feel guilt because you can't forgive yourself...God forgave you but you try to rationalize that fun is bad. God is not disappointed in you...God doesn't even see your sin. I often sense that God gives me help to do the stuff I do...Some peeps think I am crazy for constantly doing stuff for peeps. I think the reason I do stuff for people is not because I am a good person...but simply because I know how...It is like God showed me how to treat people and now I can't treat people any other way...I can't go back to the so-called "fun" life I had before my experience...I think "fun" would be better defined as ignorant...Once you know what God is like...you can't treat people the selfish way you used to treat people and feel good about it. I sometimes get the feeling that God is ashamed of me...but it is not that at all...God loves me...no matter what...It is my flesh that doesn't love God...When I do things that I know are selfish, the angels disappear..and God can't look at me until I get back with the program.
God is so present in my life that I distinctly feel it when this being is not looking at me...but you have to take care of your flesh...or you will die. I sometimes get the feeling that I am a virtual slave of God... I constantly communicate with God and when I want to do some fleshly thing like sex, I feel God's love leaving me... but really it is me leaving God's love... My selfish actions are contrary to what I know is God's love... but I still do it...I know that if I don't take care of my fleshly desires...that I will only desire death... & that doesn't get God's work done...
You have job to help out people...That is my job too. I haven't had a real job for years...I just do stuff that helps peeps out and hope I get paid for it.. I get taken care of. Most of the time...I just want to quit and go back to the light...but I am still here...so I keep trying to do good by trying to love people that need help...God gave me an Acronym for what you are are talking about...H.E.L.P.S. Helping Everyone Through Love Prayer & Service...
Quit tearing yourself down for taking care of your flesh. God Loves You Soooooooooo much. Do the best you can...You get how God has blessed you in heaven...And you get more blessed as you continue to bless others. When you get to where you are going...don't worry that you didn't do enough...just do as good as you can ...and that all that anyone can do. Yah Bless