i am also suprised about the negative feedback you recieved. it's not like you were asking much, or bitching profusely about something that shouldn't bother you, but does.
you actually sound really open minded about the p 0 r n thing. that's good for you since a lot of women are really insecure when it comes to those types of things. i am, and it's not by choice, it's something i work on, and have become less insecure about over time, thank god.
regardless... talking about p 0 r n could be compared to beating the dead horse (by some anyway) the p 0 r n so clearly is not your issue with your husband, though i can see how you'd be hurt by wanting sex and him instead looking at other p 0 r n, for such a long time by now. i think that would make a lot of women feel unattractive and hurt.
yes, he does provide you with all of your physical needs, you don't have to work, you get to stay at home, buy whatever you want, and take care of your kids... a lot of women would envy you. you, in theory, seem to have it all.
but, emotional emptiness and unfulfillment is a hard thing for some people to take. it's hard for me to feel unloved and alone. i don't have the problem you do with your husband, my husband is great, but i've been in relationships similar to what is going on with you, and so i understand the sadness you're feeling (and i've never had to deal with that kind of thing while pregnant, so in that sense, i really couldn't understand how hard it would be) to me, it seems like you would give up a lot of the physical security that you have now to just be loved and acknowledged. that says a lot. happiness is so important in life, living sad, yet having it all... well, is it worth it? it wouldn't be enough for me.
(on a side note, about the bday card - or lack there of, my husband doesn't do stuff like that either, maybe it's a guy thing on some level.. i have no idea, but the fact that you're not feeling that love or affection on all the other days that aren't "special" is a serious problem)
you say that you and your husband are friends, so you should be able to communicate your thoughts with him at least, and he seems like he's nice... and not abusive, so he's not going to berate you for your feelings... i would take the advice of the other poster and talk to him about how you feel. i hope that maybe you're husband is just going through some hard times himself, and that's the explanation for his behaviour. stress can really turn off a sex drive, but it's bothersome how you say that you did get married because you were pregnant, and you didn't feel that he was head over heels in love or that he's IN love with you.
not to put something into your head, but have you ever thought that maybe he was having an affair?
how you choose to live and what you want out of life is for you to decide. what's good for some isn't what's good for all (even if there is no abuse) and in the end you're responsible for your personal happiness in life. if living as you are with your husband who shows you little to no affection, but having all of the physical things you need (minus sex, but that seems to be emotional to you, which it is to a lot of women) and your two great kids is going to be good enough for you, well, like i said that's for you to decide. you're unhappy with it now, and i don't see the harm in trying to make changes. give your husband a chance, and if you see that there's not going to be a change, you may have to do some serious thinking of your own.