Re: physical problems and consciousness! - TO TRACEY

Hi Tracey,


well, you hit the nail right on the head! yes, I am aware of all that, I believe the same as well.....as far as taking responsibility for her life, well, I'd say it's half and half. She "does" and she "doesn't"if you know what I mean. I can tell she feels "victimized",like a victim, which drives me crazy because I am the opposite! I never feel like the victim, we all make our OWN choices! She admits she has made some bad choices,but she is very whiney (did I spell that correctly?) - she leans on me to much! Our mother died in 1988 from ovarian cancer, when she was only 19. My mother and her did not get along all that well during her teenage yrs. She was very rebellious, and my mother was a very strong woman (like myself) so as you can imagine, that didn't work to well. Our home was a loving home, which got much better once my mother divorced her second husband (my sisters father). But, unfortunatley, the courts gave him week-end visitation and two weeks in the summer. If you knew this man, you'd completley understand why I feel this way. But, anyway, he made her feel bad about herself, always telling her he had wanted a boy. She never was able to talk with him about any of this because even though he is still alive, he won't admit any of this is his fault, you know the type! (it's like talking to a brick wall). She wasn't able to resolve her feelings concerning my mother because she died, for which she feels very guilty because when my mother checked back into the hospital (for the last time) she got into a fight with her (even then) and left - completley moved to another state (even though my mother asked her to please stay with her). So, when she died a few months later, she felt insanley guilty. But, of course, since my mom is dead now, she can't talk this out with her. I am 10yrs. older than her, and she has always looked to me as a mother, especially after my mother died. But, I can't stand it anymore! Her life is full of wrong choices, and then when she falls apart, GUESS WHO SHE CALLS! Now, I don't mean to make it sound here that she doesn't call me at any other time, she does. We ususally talk once a week. I'd say we're pretty close, always have been. BUT, her choices in life have been very bad and then some bad thing happens because of it, and here we go!!!! I cannot allow this poison to drip into my (or my familys) life either......she doesn't seem to really believe the problem is in her "heart"....she agrees to a certain point, but then feels like it's really physical. I get the definate impression she doesn't really want to hear that. It becomes difficult to converse on that level, it feels uneasy, like she gets tense. I have tried to help her on this level, but I have come to the conclusion that if a person isn't ready to deal with this, it's not going to get dealt with! I can't make her do it. As far as her inner strength is concerned, she is strong, but not like me.....it's hard to describe. She falls apart easier, she can be immature. She used to drink heavily to escape all this. She really does try to do things right, but it always falls apart. I believe it's deeper.......I believe she has poor self esteem and calls people (men) to herself who will reinforce that! You know how that is. She has become fairly conventional latley, she used to be more open to different approaches......she would rather go to the dr. and have him stick all sorts of needles and such in her back (to diagnose what the cause is) than deal with her feelings. She feels to weak at this point........and she has a 13yr. old daughter!!!!! Her daughter has the same outlook on life already, very whiney. well, anyway, thanks for your imput - I really needed to hear that. If you have any other suggestions, whether physical or spiritual, please feel free to let me know!!!!!!


sincerely, starlight Tweet