Re:Millie's uneasyness...
I don't read it as fear Millie. I read it as a gap inside your being that feels empty and needs a filling. In fact, Ive heard it said that we all carry around a God shaped hole that can only be filled by God. Some are just not aware of the emptiness, and it seems like you are. I like you Millie, you seek and you question, you are the genuine article.
I was not brought up "indoctrinated" by any belief system of any kind. My parents just figured I'd find my own way.
If I could right now, I would just hug you as long as you'd let me, and hope that in some way I could transfer the warm and wonderful knowledge and presence of our most loving God.
Seems to me, that as important to faith as Words are, you missed out on the experience. I really pray you find it sweetie, there's just nothing like it. :-)