hey guys, i think i've just found the antichrist -
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hey guys, i think i've just found the antichrist - again (part ii)
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NEWS ALERT:
Dispensationalists have just identified yet another can-didate for the role of antichrist. That's right - DNC presidential candi-date Joe Biden is the very latest in a long line of candidates vying for the role of the Dread Ogre of the Apocalypse. Former US President Barack Obama is still the front runner for the job - but only just. Trailing just behind him in a crowded field are JFK Jr, Kushner, Macron, Netanyahu, Xi Jinping, Erdogan, Prince Charles, Pr. William, Pr. Harry and Putin. Considering some prophecy 'experts' only recently identi-fied him as the new messiah - or at least messiah's forerunner - it's quite surprising to find that POTUS Trump also features in this field as a rank outsider. Dispensationalist scouts remain on high alert for the next candidate who dares to show his head above the parapet.
Former candidates Napoleon, Kaiser Wilhelm II, Bismarck, Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Mao, Pol Pot, bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi stubbornly continue to remain dead, though some experts believe at least one of them will rise from the dead any day now and contest the field once again. Meanwhile, former Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has declared himself out of the race on the grounds that candidates for this unusual job opportunity often suffer a noticeable reduction in their life expectancy. "This can play havoc with my pension plans", he is reported to have said. While that may be true, it does not appear to have done Henry Kissinger any serious harm, although of course his star shines much less brightly these days.
But I digress. If you think you have what it takes to fill the role, or know someone who does, please apply for a full job description now at: 666, Bottomless Pit, Lake of Fire, Earth Central. An ability to tolerate high temperatures and saying 'mwah ha ha' in a particularly menacing tone will almost certainly get you on the shortlist, and keratinous protrusions from the temples will practically guarantee you the job, so please don't delay. Benefits include dental, although of course this is limited to the repair of gnashing teeth only.
Potential candidates are advised that the contract of employment is also strictly limited to a term of 7 years, after which the successful applicant meets a grisly end. But don't let that minor detail put you off. Both the free housing in a newly refurbished Jewish temple and the last 3.50 years of mayhem, mass murder and wanton destruction more than compensate for the shadow hanging over the successful candidate's career path.
Anyway, may the worst possible man land the worst possible job in the history of the Universe.
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