You blame God for your sickness, only because you know He heals and you feel He is withholding healing from you. You associate God's love with making your earthly existence perfect for you. What if He does heal you. what next? Your marriage may fail, you may lose a job or any sort of scenario. After all you live in a fallen world. Don't miss the important fact that we are being created and molded by God. Put through the fire to make this new creation. Don't blame Him for that. You are His masterpiece that He is working on. I know that sounds probably very shallow to someone who feels very low about where they are right now in the Spirit...but without faith, you can not please God. You are basing faith on circumstances or pleasant signs and not by His promises and resting in those promises. You may have to wait in the pain for a while. Do you think my life was perfect after my husband died. No. It was very hard trying to run a household, raise a child alone and keep the business running. But do you realize where I would have been mentally if I had not put all my faith in Him after all that happened? How worse off I would have been. I would have gone into immediate Depression and lack of strength to do what I had to do to carry on. He lifted me up. He gets all the glory and credit...not me.
The Holy Spirit is there. Let Jesus carry all your burdens. You are not alone.