Re: A bit more...

Hum.. conflict resolution is a skill. I'm quite capable of doing it---I'm not afraid to speak the truth as I see it, nor should any one.

If everyone took responsibility for their feelings (and actually they are the ONLY ones who can) and everyone else gave up the eggshells and just said what they thought, there would be first of all, no more sitcoms (they base most of the 'comedy' on saying yes when they mean no, and spend the rest of the show wiggling out of it), and there's be a chance of actually working through the issues. It's called emotional competence.

So from what I can garner from all that 'ohhh I don't want to hurt your feelings because I'm sooooo wonderful and thoughtful (and afraid you'll say something honest [mean] again back) is that somehow you let your little feelings get hurt.

Honesty is all I want--no tippy-toeing around. If I can't hand it (and believe me, after my masters program, there not much of that left), I will take it, process it and thank you for the feedback. It's called receiving feedback cleanly. It helps if the feed back's given cleanly, but so exceedingly few know how to do that, you just have to sort the information yourself. And then get back to you. Not run away like a frightened child.

If I have a behavior you think is impairing my future goals, just say so, if you really feel you need to. I'll happily share my observations too. But I don't allow anyone else to define me--just because you think it does, doesn't mean it does. I'll think about it, see if it is in the way and make my decision from there, because I know others can see aspects of me I don't. So there is valuable information to be gleaned out of any tirade aimed at you. If something hurts in all of it, take note, because that's a truth you're in denial about.

So if something I said, made you choose to feel pain, study it and use it as a learning opportunity to deal with whatever issue I stirred up. I'm guessing it has something to do with how you value your self as a victim and those outspoken ones usually got you all in trouble, because most all groups will have an outspoken one--group dynamics.

And if either of those felt hurty--bingo. It's how you find what needs fixing. I think 'politeness' at the expense of self is just another control tool to make us weak, helpless and afraid aka a victim. Sure, common courtesy is great, but being afraid to say something that needs saying because I might hurt your feelings-----nah.

And learning these kinds of lessons are the ROOT of healing--good luck with your. Sounds like there's some work to do.

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