Re: Women: open to non-sexual relationships?

This is the foundation of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous:

Women give sex in return for love and men give love in return for sex.

It is considered unhealthy. That is why people attend SLAA. They are trying to transcend the sexually addictive cycle and learn a healthier way of relating. Bargaining for love is not genuine love. It is a business deal. I will love you if you will give me sex, and I will give you sex, if you will love me, creates a negative vortex that will eventually implode. When the burden becomes to great to bear, you have to either die or get a divorce. Because the "love" was based on a barter...

You say~ "Sex and love are intertwined."

What about the love of parent and child, the love you have for your brother (who has not ever molested you), and the love you feel for your best platonic friend. But if it is a person that you are sexually attracted to, then love is not possible unless you get the sex you want??? You are proving exactly what I am saying.

I wish I had not used the word "penis". If I could I would take it out, rewrite the post, and put in the word "genitalia" instead, because sometime the roles are reversed. Sometimes men feel like nothing but a hunk of meat. They have told me so. And they lose the ability to get an erection when the roles are reversed. But women don't have to rely on an erection to behave themselves and do their duty, so there is more pressure on them to perform sexually, or else get dumped.

That is not love. It is cow towing to sexual addiction and enabling it. As long as there are people who are willing to do their duty in order to keep their relationships together, they will be enabling sexual addiction to continue. What you are saying~

One goes with the other and the best we can hope for is that the libido of the man and woman are similar, is very important. I agree that people need to make sure they are well matched and their libidos are similar.

My definition of a genuine union of souls and a real spiritual marriage is quite different than buying a piece of paper that entitles you to half the assets and doing your sexual duty to make sure your relationship is solid. A truly sacred sexual union, or holy matrimony, is when two people coordinate a mutual simultaneous ogasm. It is the blending of the sexual essence that results in a genuine union of souls... You say~


My wife & I love having sex 3 to 4 times a week. We both feel GREAT after a fun sexual encounter. There is nothing spiritual here. It all about enjoying God Given ogasms.

There is nothing wrong with all that. And that is all it takes to make some people perfectly happy. There is nothing wrong with that either. But some people still feel an emptiness in their hearts and long for something more, because they inherently know that something is missing. What they are longing for is a genuine union of souls that is attained by conditioning themselves to cum together they way pavlov conditioned a dog to salivate when he rang a bell. Doing that will transform the nervous system, rewire it, and start channeling all of your sexual energy into spiritual energy.

Some people are not interested in sexual enlightenment via completing each other, and being liberated from the sexual urges by converting sexual energy into spiritual bliss. Others are bored with ordinary sex and wish to explore the state of nirvana as attained by sexual union. Those who are happy with accepting dutiful sex and performing dutiful sex are probably going to get saucer eyes if they figure out how to coordinate a mutual simultaneous ogasm, change their minds, and decide mutual self-gratification, playing with yourself, spanking the monkey each other, and taking turns having an ogasm is all they need. There is nothing wrong with that.

But that doesn't mean there isn't something more than can be attained, for those who wish to attain it. And it cannot be attained without becoming aware that it exists. That awareness (even if subconscious) is what makes ordinary sex seem mundane to some and profane to others. Constant craving is the road map to sexual nirvana, but most don't know what the road map is saying, especially if they accept that having an ogasm with somebody else every 2-4 days is all there is to sex.

What would you do if your wife got sick and couldn't do her wifely duty any more? The Soul of Sex by Thomas Moore is a fantastic book about this subject. And it is the soul of sex that I am interested in exploring. Does that make me a man hater?

You are welcome to think what you wish. But waiting for men to self select by preferring to abstain in lieu of an extraordinary connection is not hating men. It is quite the opposite. It is saying that I know you are capable of a lot more than you can do by exercising your sense of entitlement, and being delighted to have a lover who is wiling to indulge until death do you part.

There are none so enslaved to the whims of genitalia than those who are (relatively) happy to serve the genital urges in exchange for a sense of security. And I am very weary from all the men who are only interested in seeing me if I am available to jump up at a moments notice to serve their sexually addictive urges. Otherwise they have no time and interest in a relationship. Tweet