Bro, To be honest , I'm thinking the same like you did, killing myself but what if i really killed myself? If you're a christian, you do believe in hell right? Sometimes, it's only a trial given to us. Are you taking chlorophyll tablets? try that. or the wheatgrass powder wherein you just dissolve the powder in a water. try taking that on an empty stomach preferably in the morning when you wake up. Chlorophyll is known for its oxidizing properties as well as Turmeric. (luyang dilaw). You'll have a smooth bowel movement after taking the said supplements above.
and bro, what's the best deo? i prefer the unscented ones, but i couldn't find any of that here in our malls.
and also, try eliminating the stress, since you have no work. try to relax, sleep. forget the bad memories for once and let the good one pass.
also, there are people who are just too much, just don't mind them bro, they are just burden for you to carry. think positive.