Re: Breathing and muscle-memory

Piuma, there ARE genetic factors in everything that encompasses each human being.  Some people carry markers for stress levels, others carry markers for sociopathy.  And, the reason that a clone will never "replace" me is that my clone will not have experienced the family dysfunction that I did when I was a child - those experiences were primary as to how I developed, how I coped with anxiety, and how I managed (or, NOT) normal experiences of Life.  So, your mother's experiences and decisions are likely to be quite different than yours - differnent era, different generation, different stressors, etc.  BUT, you aren't your mother - you only share DNA information.  You don't have to experience the same symptoms that she did, and you don't have to use the same medications that she does. 

We are just beginning to learn how to rewire our thinking processes and beliefs via neuroplasticity, and this has been "known" for quite some time, but techniques have evolved more to rest in the hands of the patient/client, rather than the doctors making the decisions or the pharmacists filling prescriptions.  Trauma is HUGE, and it can impact an individual's spirit to the point where they no longer believe that Life is worth living.  And, that's the trauma talking, not the person.

Your only responsibility is to yourself - you cannot facilitate your mother's recovery and healing, particularly if she's been on and off of steroids, psychiatric medications, and all without any psychological (therapist) intervention.  Even then, if she HAS engaged in counseling, she made the decision to give the reigns of her life over to medications.  And, you cannot reverse that decision - you can only love her, support her, and focus on your own needs.

Sounds as if you mean to Do Something for yourself, and that is 75% of the challenge, right there.  This will take time, patience, and tons of practice, but you're going to begin feeling different only in retrospect.  Six months from now, you'll be able to look back and say, "Gosh, I've come quite a ways, haven't I?" 

So..........allow yourself time to sort this all out.  And, GOOD FOR YOU for taking initiative to do this.  So many people literally refuse to engage in counseling because it doesn't promise an instant "cure" as so many other remedies, pills, protocols, devices, etc., tend to do.  And, none of it's going amount to more than a waste of time if the Whole Self isn't attended to.  So, good for you!  You are just fine, and you're actually going to FEEL it, in due time.