I'm just going to go there. I live in fear of what I say, do, damned if I do-damned if I don't these days. But here, I will speak up.
My social media, email, mail, gets tampered with and used against me in court year after year, my own family and friends who are discerned as threats to showing the truth against his lies are targeted and often successfully alienated from me, even my eldest son's father whothough we didn't stay together we stayed friends and supportive of each other now is using his same attorney and has successfully ruined his relationship withand hurt his own teenage son at the prompting of this man, he found a newly divorced and vulnerable member of my kids schools board of education to shack up with and fund his legal suits and help manipulate files, education even find school district employees to testify that they think I'm a bad mother, and the local police are his buds and so is the town council now as they are friends with the woman he lives with. So it goes.
So I married a sociopath.
And what I'm writing shouldn't have to be written. We seperated/divorced 7 years ago. One day at marriage counselling I stated 'I can't do this anymore, all the emotional arson and the constant finding out you are killing us financially on purpose, cheating, losing jobs, wrecking cars, telling friends, family and even the kids that I'm a bad person who should be avoided. I won't do it anymore. 3 years was enough. I'm done.'
And I was. Bravest thing I ever did in my life. And boy did I pay for it. Year after year after year. But that night after we got home and I quietly got the kids ready to 'visit mommom' (I had no long term plan, just faith that getting out before I changed or disappeared completely was the step that would free me...isn't that what normal breakups are...with functional people...) he retaliated. In true sociopath style. And I'm still paying for it year after year.
He clocked me with the plate of chicken nuggets I had heating up in the microwave to take with us for the kids. He cracked it square on my head. And then left. I was in what I realize now was shock. And he had taken the car. I called a friend to come get us, and then called a domestic violence hotline to talk to someone. I was on the phone with them when he came back. With police. They arrested me for domestic violence. He had falsely reported me and somehow had given himself a slight cut on his lip, claiming I hit him. He even called the kids down to watch me be cuffed saying 'this is what happens to abusers'. It was so sick. And he still uses it in court though I was cleared of the charge. And even though a year later, during divorce settlement as I was moving back to take possession of the house he drove into foreclosure within a year (always saying 'please come home, we don't want to lose the house, I know you want it for the kids') he hadn't actually moved out as per the agreement, and when I went to turn right back around to leave with the kids before it became an argument or worse he beat me up, caused a traumatic injury to my brain, short term memory loss, and then left. All within 10 feet of those children. I called the police the next day after I had come to (my eldest, only 7 at the time, had to take care of his 2 year old brother that night because I was in and out of consciousness). They arrested him but his lawyer got him a slap in the wrist with the conviction. He even defied his bail restrictions of not having contact with me and came back to the house to 'talk it out' with me. My mom thankfully was over to help me and sent him away. He would never have gone if there hadn't been another witness. The police said they couldn't do anything. Even with a PFA, they wouldn't file a report.
Anyway, years later, being sued every year for custody, etc I've begun to understand the old adage 'repeat a lie enough and it becomes fact'. As my brain healed, periodic (and near fatal several times) swelling dwindled, memory capacity returned slowly, I began having to piece it together. Make sense of it. Make sense of how he accomplished the deceptions and the abuse that was pretty much supported by agencies there to protect survivors like myself and my kids.†And we have†only had fleeting months here or there that we have peace from it.
It got especially bad, the worse retaliationcycle II've seen yet, funded by the girlfriend who makes 150K a year, and can't have kids, he still doesnt have steady employment, etc these last two years. I filed paperwork that we were moving to a less crime ridden area, better school district, more rural community (and also to put distance between me and him after he moved within blocks of us) about a half hour away. This should be a happy time for me and the kids. But its turned into an absolute nightmare. I can't write anymore. The past is easier, I'm still having trouble with the hell that he is making our present, his ability to convince official people to break the law just for his own pursuit of my destruction. He really hates the words 'I'm leaving' and takes it personally. And is so good at the 'nice guy, victim' routine which contrasts so sharply with the 'socially awkward, take care of me' persona or the true sociopath that slips through in fleeting moments that no one seems to want to notice where seriously he looks like a cold blooded killer. Very frightening.