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Thinking about doing it
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Published: 9 years ago

Thinking about doing it

I'm thinking about killing myself... The condition has been pretty mellow...(The gluten free diet is helping a bit at least), but despite that I've been really depressed, I hate everything... I don't care for anything, I feel like I could cry forever... I hate life... There's nothing here for me... Same old shit everyday, not to mention I feel inferior every second of my life. Every second, every minute is spent feeling inferior, and feeling guilty. I know none of you care, but I just felt like I had to post this somewhere before I did something really stupid. I don't even care about the Body Odor anymore, I completely stopped caring, I still take my regular showers everyday and when people sit beside me I'm genuinely too depressed to care (depressed for other reasons). I think not caring helps... and I'm also on a gluten free diet (kind of, I had a few cookies today, I couldn't help it, I was too depressed). I always feel guilty, like I'm letting my mother down. It's a horrible feeling. Anyways, I hate everything about my life, I feel like I already know what my future is... I'm gonna finish school in 3-4 years and then my mom is going make me marry some guy I don't know and then... that's it... I won't be able to stand spending the rest of my life with a guy I don't even like and I'm probably going to kill myself then anyway, so I might as well save myself the next 4 torturous years... I just need some foolproof ways of killing myself, I don't wanna be a vegetable, I don't wanna be a in a worse state than I am now, I just wanna be dead, preferably without people knowing it was a suicide. I want them to think it was an accident. Anyone have any ideas? I probably won't go through with it, you don't have to worry about contributing to my death or anything like that. I just feel like shit right now.

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