Thanks for the support! More on Momma's Passing!

Long story short of it is that she got sick (diarrhea)...we tried to keep her hydrated and eating but it was coming out as fast as we got liquid down her...so we had to get her to the hospital. We decided that she was getting near to the point of hospital bed and wheel chair and we just didn't think we had the stamina to go there...and since you have to (or at least we thought so...not sure now) go into the hospital for 3 days prior to being accepted into a nursing home facility that we'd just transition her there from the hospital.

It wasn't by choice so much as from sheer exhaustion due to little to no family help over these last 5 years.

I felt so blessed that we got her into the nursing home we did. It was 6 minutes away. Her doctor we found out was the director of the home. He doesn't believe in medicating the elderly just because you can. She was weak from the diarrhea and the hospital putting her on a liquid diet (what a joke)... but I did manage to sneak some food up there and she did eat a little bit of that.

After she got into the home I was going up there twice a day at first to feed her, (my brother/sister in law pitched in to help/power of attorney) and to make sure she was hydrated and to talk to every aid and nurse I could to share with them what she was like just prior to getting sick in the hopes that they'd try harder to help her get stronger. Meaning that she always ate good & actually feed herself (which would mean that they wouldn't have to feed her).

They had her next to a window which made me happy too ... I thought oh that's because they know that someone transitioning here might be a bit sad, so getting the sun exposure will help.

They then told us that she was being combative. I didn't see to much of that really, but interjected that we didn't have much of a problem because we gave her a liquid vitamin, vitamin D3, and additional magnesium via a rub on gel ... and to my surprise they agreed to allowing me to bring these things to the nursing home. So again I felt like I had confirmation that she was going to be taken care of.


They were suppose to be getting her a special kind of wheel chair for her so that she didn't have to remain in bed all of the time.

The food there was actually good. It took a while but mom ate 100 percent of her food for me. I knew they probably wouldn't spend as much time with her. But even if she got 25 or 50 percent down for them...she was getting 100 percent for me once or twice a day. She was beginning to hold her water cup and drink from it herself. Over a couple of weeks she'd gone from holding her hands up to her mouth (and you had to kinda press them down with one hand while feeding her with the other to her mouth flying open and eating with no resistance)

HOWEVER! I was blind! I fell for it again.

We had hospice involved! But they had presented themselves as the good guys and I fell for it. They basically presented themselves as coming behind the nursing home staff to insure that she is being taken care of properly. They would help feed her, help bath her etc.

I believed all along that mom would tell us when it was time for her to pass. That would mean that she would stop eating or something to that effect.

I knew they had her down for tylenol every 4 hours as needed but again it just didn't register with me that they could change that at will. I guess I thought if things changed WE would be involved...but I was not power of attorney and I also missed a meeting with them (I simply forgot it but had told my brother who is power of attorney to call and remind me but he forgot) ... because had I been there I would have gotten clarification on all pain meds and when they would be use...and had them go thru us first.

So the long and short of it is...that I was there on a Friday...she had, had a slight fever which they were getting under control...but was eating, drinking, giving kisses ... I then got a head cold so I didn't go up one day (Sunday)...by brother (power of attorney) called and said he was going up Monday & Tuesday and would feed mom. I thought good, It will give me time to get over this head cold.

My brother called Tuesday night and said mom didn't eat much for him Monday and even less Tuesday. I brushed it off thinking that it's because they don't take the time to feed her like I do...and that a couple of days of not eating everything wouldn't hurt...I'd be up there Wednesday.

Wednesday she wouldn't eat for me either...then the nursing staff told us that she was transitioning to the next stage of the disease. I came back for dinner and again...she didn't eat.

I thought at least I can make sure she gets water so that she's not suffering so went up Thursday at lunch and she was drinking and eating ... not as much but a very different person all things considered. I got excited and couldn't wait to get back up there to feed her dinner. Then at dinner she was again not eating. It wasn't just not eating though it's like just sitting there ...no motion of eating, no sucking... it was just odd. Then it hit us!!!!!

We went down to the nurses station and found out that they had transitioned from giving her tylenol to some other pain meds. I don't even remember what it was to be honest. I just knew it was killing the remainder of her brain and central nervous system.

I went home to calm down but then called the nursing home. I was trying to get it stopped. I remember how the nursing unit manager kept asking me..."don't you want your mom to have pain medicine when she is in pain" and I kept saying...yes to take the edge off of pain but what you all are doing is shutting her body down so that now she will starve to death. And she said well actually they really don't feel any pain. I'm like yeah...and you know that how! Read a book! Listen to some other "expert".

Tried to get my brother (power of attorney) to have it stopped but at that time he just didn't get it...he kept asking me "how do you know how much pain she's in". I knew then what I was going to have to witness so I told him I wash my hands of this...you take care of her.

But I didn't wash my hands of it...(and I knew by then that even if I'd gotten them to stop that she'd been on these drugs to long...most likely since Sunday)...I went back there just to try to get a bit of water in her mouth...on her lips. I talked to her as I stroked her hair...we talked about lots of things...and I kissed her a thousand times I know.

You could tell in the beginning that this was all a shock to her too! You could see it in her face and she tried so hard to tell me something. It was so hard to watch!

The day before she died she was pretty lucid. There were several times I put my hand on hers and she gently lifted her hand to hold mine. 3 times in fact!

Our plans were to stay with her til she passed. We were there at the end for 16 hours when I felt both of us were starting to feel sick. Just a quick rest was all we needed. Someone told us since then that they new of a lady that went 21 days before passing. But we didn't see mom again...she passed 4 hours after we left. Maybe it was meant to be that way! Only she knows for sure!



Tweet