Re: Need someone to talk to Wife cheated

I read the entire thing, I was pretty bored today.
Almost makes me not believe this is real but if the story is real, that is some f***ed up shit.

The part of your brain where you think "what if she had some molestation, trauma" and all that stuff is your BRAIN trying to justify or rationalize for the sake of your mental wellbeing something traumatic that happened to YOU. Your brain is asking "what if" questions because it cannot wrap itself around the true hard facts that are shocking and unbelievable. I dont blame you. But you have to recognize that it is your mind playing games on you. From an outsiders perspective, i not only thought it sucked but i was like "that is some f***ED up shit". I would never take her back and i also understand exactly what its like to be you (not exactly but the same feeling) and to fight with your brain and heart.

This same phenomenon happens in regular breakups that have much love involved. People try to keep afloat a sinking relationship by trying "breaks" or "keeping in contact" and stuff and it is a way to cope with the utter pain and misery of a sudden change in your reality. Both from a psychological perspective and also from a chemical and metabolic perspective. All that stability and constant doses of dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, comes to a screeching halt and your body literally does not know what to do. Feels like you're drowning and trying to claw and grab something and when you attempt to work things out with her you get TINY relief like your head is above water for a second.

BUT, it will never change the fact that she did what she did. I could personally never rebuild a relationship after that. No matter how much love on both sides, that kind of damage I could never forget or live down. It will change the dynamic of your relationship, you will ALWAYS be anxious throughout your relationship, always jealous, she will be more sneaky (or not) or more defensive, tension will always be there, sex and intimacy may not be as true or enjoyable, fighting will occur, etc.

As hard as it is to accept, in this case, you need to move on. Easier said than done. The best thing to do is KEEP yourself busy. If you dont you will drive yourself mad. You get power back by keeping a busier schedule than what she is doing, and you keep her out of sight, out of mind. Do what you have to but dont think of her or look at her pictures, etc. It will be a long hard road but life, from a bigger perspective is much bigger than the moment and emotions you are living in/feeling now and there is nowhere to go but UP from now.

Wish u the best. Tweet