Re: Adult Child of a possibly borderline parent

You say:

I have done the keeping a relationship with her at a distance thing and I just don't feel that doing that is an option anymore because it makes me feel guilty and I also feel it is almost enabling her behaviours and not helping her at all. I just don't know what my other options of dealing with her are at this point
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There is no need for you to feel guilty. Just by feeling guilty, it shows that she is still manipulating you.

I don't understand how keeping your distance from her is "enabling her behaviors". Believe me, whether or not you are in her life, she will still behave the same way.

As for not helping her---it's not your job to help her. She is a grown woman (albeit a mentally ill one) thus you can't force her to change or get help.

You are better off having as little contact with her as possible.

My mother was an alcoholic and a narcissist. None of us kids ended up being close to her. In fact, the older she got, it seemed the less any of us kept in touch.

I have to admit though---the one thing that kept me from totally cutting off contact was that she would go to the relatives and her friends and lie about how her immediate family was treating her. It wasn't uncommon for my siblings, our father and me to get calls from relatives/friends yelling at us for either ignoring my mother or supposedly treating her badly. No amount of explaining by us helped.

If you don't have any similar constraints, I say either continue as you currently do and rarely keep in touch or cut her off altogether. Don't feel guilty and don't let her manipulate you. Once again, it's not your job to "fix" her.

Best of luck to you! Tweet