Rainy, thanks for the wonderful validation, which I needed SO much.
I am getting under control now , as of today -- and though I may not be able to fast instantaneously I am I believe making more solid and permanent progress toward the long fast than ever before. And I think this is all legitimately to be considered a part of the whole fasting process. Yes! Of course it is!!!
I'm now, as of today, strategizing more realistically about cleaning up my diet and working toward the fast. I have worked through a lot of my blocks (principally my fear of eating lightly... there's a neurotic cultural fear of "starvation mode" at present , in the current culture, that I believe just isn't physiologically accurate... I believe the oldtime fasting experts when they advocate eating ONLY according to appetite, and when they advocate , aside from fasting, for healing, the practice of eating very very very lightly for quite long periods [and come to think of it, juice fasting is more or less this practice...] ... eating lightly is in question for me here because I think that I will end up eating very lightly for a time to prepare for a long fast-- i think I will explain more later --) ...so, as I say, I've worked through a lot of the blocks that prevented me in the past from doing the kind of realistic planning/strategizing that I have needed to do. My fears of eating lightly; my fears of fasting itself; my impatience, which came from my terror; and my counterproductive perfectionism, which came from my vulnerability... I resorted to magical thinking, and ritualism, wanting to believe that my difficulties in fasting would sort themselves out if I just ignored them enough... alas, not true, always...
Again, I REALLY appreciate your gracious, generous, attentive support. Because you make it OK for me to be healingly honest, it's helping me to attain HEALTH!!! You are a life-saver!!!