thanks -- I really have the same understanding of the actions of the parasites... yes, that when we cut off their food supply (ha HA!!) they react "angrily." I would like to learn better to enjoy the detox symptoms like weakness/tiredness based on the knowledge that I am KILLING THEM! These microbes have ruined my life ... my challenge is that what they usually somehow engender is anxiety. This anxiety gives me thoughts that I am dying etc. I never REALLY feel I am dying but in the past I have always somehow been made ... AGITATED enough to be provoked into breaking the fast.. LIke I have fear of something unknown. Anyway. The detox is really intimidating/unpleasant. The other thing that happens, neurologically, is feelings of just boredom. I think this provokes a lot of people to abandon fasts. I know it has me. I want to acknowledge and work with these problems so they don't get me this time. I have huge doubts right now and feel I just have to think of one day at a time in the fast. 23 days or whatever just seems really really long. Of course I have suffered horribly from my ill mental/physical health for so much longer than that -- like 23 YEARS, literally. What's 23 days? Of course, then I have real fears about going into the unknown like this. But I just have to do it one moment at a time. it will be fine. It's just a series of moments. Also, breaking the fast , that process, will also be just a series of moments. I think it is going to be really important to me to remember that. I worked through some fears of the fast-breaking process last night. i thought: what if I have no hunger at the time I am nonetheless compelled for whatever reason to break the fast (I imagine I will just get scared if I get beyond 10 days... I need to work through that, too). But about the breaking of the fast -- I was feeling so scared that my body would simply never want food again. It is for some reason absolutely terrifying to me when my body resists eating. (why? because the parasites are making me feel that anxiety again. They are afraid for their lives. they are afraid I will obey my body and not eat until I am ready, and thus that they will be starved to death). ... It is all very challenging. I am OK for today, I think. I am OK for tomorrow. That will complete day 3. I want to connect to the proud, happy, motivating feeling that I can get when I think of going beyond 3 days to a real Longer Fast. I am doing something so accomplished and good for myself. I will be able to tell people proudly of what I am doing. It's possible also I will be able to scare some people I would dearly love to frighten. Ha! But the positive, proud aspect of it is really real and I can really make myself feel good by connecting with that.
How's it going for you? hope to hear from you.