Warnings On All Containers

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers
have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels
be placed immediately on all containers:

Warnings:


The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the heck happened to your bra.

The consumption of alcohol may make you think
you are whispering when you are not.

The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.

The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 in the morning.

The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning
and see something really scary.

The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are laughing WITH you.

The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space
continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

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