Love to you Pete. Until we work through our childhood stuff we continually create circumstances in our lives that give us opportunity to repeat the childhood dramas until we heal from them.
Get some counseling, do some inner child work. When you start to heal, one of two things will happen.
1. You not accept the way your wife is treating you and she will get w/ the program, or you'll hit the road. or,
2. Your wife will lose interest in you because you are no longer submissive to her domination and she will leave.
Heal yourself and the marriage issue will take care of itself. : )