Re: How do I tell my family about being abused?

Gosh, Beautifulmoonlight, where did you get the idea that you 'should' tell?


What good purpose would 'telling' serve?


I have a sneaky suspicion that you think 'telling' would open a whole new can of worms, unhappiness all around.


Unless you have to live near the 'perp' and need 'telling' as a protection against frequent discomfort, I wouldn't even consider 'telling'...and probably not even then.

Everyone who hears the story is going to react in their own way and you have no way of knowing what that will be.

Your mom's disbelief is a sign of that.



Whatever your age, or circumstances of home life, 'telling' the story is only going to make the incident more real today...in effect, making it happen all over again. That's what you want to avoid.

There are better ways to avoid painful memories...

...The best, I think, is to leave unhappy environments.

If you are a teenager, this may be very difficult...but, you can visualize the home and work environment, and fair and undemanding relationships, you will create when you are on your own.

Look at people, listen for reasonableness and kindness, and good intentions. Notice who have formed useful and happy lives and try to see how they have done it.

Take their examples as your standards. See if you can imagine people like that in your proposed future. Can you be your best self around people who treat each other, and you, with respect?


Have you ever burned a finger on, say, hot soup?

Certainly you didn't form the rest of your life around the incident...wondering if you need to 'tell' everyone. Burning ones finger just isn't that important...it is only an incidental life experience. You can tell or not, as you wish.

A sexual experience is not the same, of course, although it could be.

With the added importance of being a trigger for emotional reactions, one had best be cautious where and when one tells the story of unhappiness.


You have found an understanding ear in your counsellor. Maybe that is enough for now.

A good counsellor will know ways to build a useful and happy life, no matter what has happened before.


You see, you have maturity ahead of you. Maturity will help you manage your feelings while building the kind of life you admire most.


It is impossible to grieve forever, thank goodness. So, grieve, if it is necessary, but only for, say, 15 minutes at a time...then stop, and get on with something you prefer to do.

Doing/thinking something you prefer to do is your task, your responsibility, to yourself and to the rest of the world, right now...even if it is only a small step, and even if you have to pretend enthusiasm for it, for a while.

Soon, these tasks will become easier to do, and second nature to you...I promise.


Perhaps the first is to smile, and to help someone near to you to smile. Use your imagination. What would put a smile on a face or faces near to you...just once? ...A simple moment of shared warmth and understanding?


After a while, do it again. Opportunities will appear.

You will be proud of your accomplishment.


We always get more of what we think about...so think of gentleness, and smiling. These will become habits, and slowly become your new way of life.


One man improved his serious illness well enough to get himself kicked out of hospital for disturbing the other patients with his frequent laughter, even when nothing funny was going on.

The physical act of laughing, heals. Try it.



I know that memories can hurt something awful, Beautifulmoonlight, but there is so much more to know and do in this marvelous world.

Your choice of a screen name tells me that you are one who can do this...turn your life around exactly as you wish.

The one to please is yourself.


My best,

Fledgling





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