several questions tucked into here, and just stuff...

Thank you so much for sharing. I know I could just buy a book, but it isn't something I want around the house (so what section of the bookstore would it be in? What titles are recommended? Maybe I'll put it in the back of my mind, and if I happen to stumble on it...smile)

So, like yesterday, what I consider eating crappy is what the average american on SAD diet was think was okay--but I only am going to do a couple drops when I've been being 'bad'. Just lately I've been binging....don't know what is going on--overeating when I seldom (at least for 3 or 4 months) over eat. Chocolate (organic, raw sugar, but still chocolate) noodles (not healthy ones) cookies (albiet supposedly healthy BUT)

I'm not sure what's up. It's probably Sugar related, I've been hypoglymicish (no real labels allowed--but I've actually had people mention my shaking hands, and I just kind of look down and go, 'opps, I guess I forgot to eat'." And some silly doctor suggested I eat a piece of candy (yea, maybe crystalized ginger) I got "scared" three weeks ago--my feet and hands were completely numb when I woke up and I felt like CRAP, so I actually went to an emergency care place (so my regular doctor wouldn't get the results unless I wanted him to have them) and they did some blood work and said everything was "within limits". I looked at the sheet, which since I have resisted any blood work or tests for 11 years and noticed that "things" tended to be in the low range, but everything WAS in range. I gave a copy to MY doctor with a request if there were anything I needed to be concerned about, call, and he didn't. I was relieved (deep down I was afraid something was REALLY wrong--I had all the symptons of MS, fibromyalgia, etc) I knew the severe insomnia (which I didn't mention to the doctor at the emergency care center--most people, especially in the medical field, except my alternative doc, who is almost too laid back "gee, I couldn't function with that little sleep, but you seem to be managing" get a bit nervous if you tell them you've only been sleeping between 2-4 hours for almost 4 months.

So all the chi gong, accupunture, aryuvedic (am I spelling it right yet), liverflushing, herbs,meditation, breathing, and even the UT at the end (I'm sleeping now, fitfully, but sleeping) kept me sane, functioning, and-- you know all the stuff about not sleeping and how it compromises your immune system? Every time I started to feel fluish or a cold coming on, I managed to use something (netti pot, herbs, enema, etc) to ward it off. So it was the most interesting of my five or six insomnia bouts that I've had over the last 12 years. Generally they are followed by a 'return to depression' that lasts from 3 months to as much as 18 months. This "bout" of insomnia is invited to be my last.(I don't consider it a bout till it has gone on longer than 2 weeks) They (the 'bouts') have taken a lot "out" of me. Physically, my muscle strenth is almost gone--weakling. Spiritually, I'm much better. Emotionally, I'm still rocking and a rolling. It really throws off the adrenals, hormones etc. My hair has started falling out again. Sigh.

But I'm on the way to health, and although my mind is still 'leaking' (weird word, but it fits) and I don't remember what I should/could/would....I AM NOT DEPRESSED--and that is the main physical goal at this point.

May be fatigued, may be weak, my vision SUCKS (I dislike the most--have to ask my son to read small things, and in dim light, I can't read anything) but I am singing, and have enough energy to CARE, and work on my health. I am glad to be alive, and if you've ever been the other way, it feels good. But I'm impatient. You'd think after 5 kids, I would have learned patience. I'm learning being patient with myself is even harder than being patient with others.

Sorry this is so long, but the UT thing....sometimes when I have my 'pity party' (I can't do this (get healthy)...it's too hard...weepy weepy....I remind myself there is a 5-10 minutes limit to the pity party.... and say to myself... "hey, you are tough enough, desperate enough to drink your urine, you CAN DO everything you need to do to get healthy". I hope that doesn't come across as a slam to UT, it's just in a weird way, it is very comforting. It's such a simple, little thing, but it makes me feel more....I'm not sure what the word is. In control? Daring? Brave? all those sound a bit silly, but you get the gist?

Thanks for letting me share. It's kind of like the first pee in the morning....I was just FULL and needed to let go, and this is where it went. (first receptacle I ran into)

Oh, I do have one question (maybe there were others in my post, but my memory...) I'm sensing I need to do at least one day (probably more) of lemonade fast (okay, I went to this new meditation group last night, never been before, didn't know the procedure, the leader is a 'psychic', and proceeded after the meditation to go around the circle and 'read' everyone.....she said I needed to drink lemonaid--and since I was thinking "lemonaid fast" and I'd bought the lemons for it on Saturday, so how do you fight that? Can I do the UT with it, or will I be releasing too many toxins? I doubt I can bring myself to do it for more than a day--I have a family to cook for (5 of us for dinner) and it's hard to cook and not eat. I know 3 days would be good, but..... The shakiness gets me....I've never done the 'master cleanse', only been to that forum like once or twice...sigh....but I bought the lemons, and then having someone who knew nothing about me tell me I should drink some lemonaid....specially since I could have gone several other places besides that one where I knew no one at and had never been before....can't fight that (but I do. I'm learning and flexible, but that resistance is just part of me....)She said a couple other things....I fixated on the lemons.

So, whadayathink?
thanks for letting me share.



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