Re: 20 years with a psycho

There is no reason or excuse to remain with an abusive partner, ever. Such excuses as, "Just until the children graduate," or, "I'll lose everything," or, "It's too late for me to start over," just don't cut it.

Remaining in an abusive relationship, by choice, is accepting the role of victim, by choice. Some people remain because they believe that they can't find another partner - "finding" another partner to take the place of the current one isn't the issue. Finding one's Self is the issue. Some people remain because they honestly believe that enduring abuse is worth the price of material objects - real estate, cars, etc. Material objects can always be replaced - emotional well-being cannot. Some people remain because they believe that they can't start their lives over. It's not a matter of "starting over," rather, it's a matter of picking up the pieces and learning from our choices.

It's never reasonable to remain in an abusive relationship, whether the abuser is one's husband, or one's wife. If children are a by-product of the doomed union, they will learn one of two things: how to be a victim; how to be an effective abuser. All other bets are off.

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