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stolen my life away
 
endlessfog Views: 2,510
Published: 13 years ago
 

stolen my life away


Hi everyone, this is my first post. I have been unemployed for the past two years because of what I now (finally) believe to be a systemic candida infection that's rendered me pretty much useless the more it's ravaged my body. I lost my former life to whatever this is and I'm now living with my parents at 28 years old.

I can't seem concentrate or stay focused and have trouble doing most tasks, even feeling dizzy like I'm drunk or high (24/7). I have a hard time remembering what I did a few hours ago let alone what I did a week or a month ago. I don't have medical insurance and have wasted what money I had as well as my parents money trying to discover what was wrong with me, including living under the assumption I maybe had a brain tumor (which turned out to not be the case). My parents at this point are not eager to continue to help me financially so Ispend every day at the computer without transportation and have basically nothing left but a now unsupportive family who thinks I am beyond help. What has hurt me the most in the past year and a half is their gradual loss of faith in me as a person they now deem unworthy of continuing to offer help or financial assistance to. My dad now thinks I'm a hypochondriac and says "it's all in your head". Even worse than being broke financially is being broke emotionally. 6 months ago before I started searching heavily for anyone with symptoms similar to mine I was contemplating suicide.

If I can somehow get a hold of a webcam I'd like to do a series of video logs on youtube about what I'm going through and would appreciate anyone's help. My situation is pretty desparate. I wake up with intense headaches every morning that come and go for hours at a time even until night time, strange pulsing sensations and and overall feeling of being hungover which is with me from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. I feel depersonalized, almost as if there's a wall of glass between my eyes and everything around me. Everything feels surreal, spacey and almost movie-like, as if I'm constantly sitting behind myself as the puppeteer behind the real me. My sinuses always feel clogged and I'm constantly clearing my throat because of constant mucus buildup. Lately I've been having mini panic attacks and dizziness spells randomly as well as well as a bunch of other smaller symptoms.

I have exhausted what few resources I had and have been unsuccessful and unmotivated towards finding a job (hell, I wouldn't even hire myself). If I didn't feel this way, I know I wouldn't feel as depressed and hopeless as I currently do. I have had a lot of discouragements, strange looks and people asking what my problem is leading to feelings of low self-esteem. I almost burnt my brother's house down 2 months ago while house sitting by leaving paper on top of his toaster and I've had a lot of close calls. It's as if I can only concentrate at one time on a very small area in front of me, I'm oblivious to everything else.

As of right now I am nothing but a hollow shell of my former self. If you read this and could help me in any way, I would be deeply grateful and will promise to compensate you when I'm physically able to begin working again. I am not expecting any of you to offer help a perfect stranger but I thought I'd give it a shot. This isn't a scam. Thanks for hearing me, I'll take any advice or help I can get.
 

 
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