Re: I suspect I was sexually abused, but have no specific memory, but all the symptoms?????

I dont know what to say really but Ill try to speak from my heart.

To reply to the first response to your post I would have to say it is very possible to have such a memory loss. Hypnotised poeple often don't remember what the they were doing while in that state. I advise to never go near that stuff, whether it be a friend, therapist, or even yourself. I barely remember my dreams, food I ate the day before, and lots of other things yet can remember alot of pointless things years ago very easily. That just really shows how strange the mind can be.
I have also read that sometimes things that happened are to stressful to deal with as a child and therefore blocked out of memory.

I have also had obvious signs in my life that have led me to believe I was abused. Lately as I have thought about it more, I've had memories that have slowly resurfaced that led me to believe many bad things happened when I was a child.

I started remembering at an early age while in junior high, I think, and then pretty much forgot it. Later in highschool, one time was with friends smoking weed and apparently I said, according to them "how the priest abused you..." which a) I had no memory of even saying that and b) no memory of that happenning. Now I am not advocating drugs in any way AT ALL. you are trying to find yourself and that is just another thing that can confuse you. Luckily by the grace of God somebody told that to me and "helped" me along to where I am now.

I sincerely hope nothing happened to you when you were younger but I have kept this in alot myself and have been waiting for somebody else to say something like this. I have been pretty scared to tell the truth, very paranoid and just pretty much "losing it". So the fact that you have taken the steps to help me along by what you have already said really makes me feel good, cause I wouldnt have been able to just outright say stuff like this myself. I want to help, and I really want help too so I don't even know where to start.

I think you already have a pretty good memory of your youth as you have noticed changes that happened to your personality. I also have had those changes but never really remembered them myself. The teacher in 3rd grade said how I became "quiet" and such. That shows that you have a strong memory.

You say you have had "flash memories" and I have had those too. I actually have alot of them as my abuse occured quite a few times. It is my belief that those are the key to finding out what happened. I had a "flash" memory develope from like 1 second of absolutely nothing regarding abuse, to developing into a 10 second memory of something that surely was terrible. Now I know I remember that. I am positive it is not some "False Memory Syndrome" which I believe to be another tool to keep the truth from being exposed. I now know a little bit more about me and what I've been through. I think that God surely blesses poeple like you (if something happened) and me because when you are a so young, things of sexual nature are really meant for you, and especially not meant to be forced upon you.

I really don't know what to say as this is what I think about all day long for like the last 2 months. I remembered it like 8 months ago, then forgot about it. Now I am set of trying to find out what happened.

I have read that you should try to keep a little notepad with you and write down things as you remember them. It sounds like a good idea but for some reason I haven't done that yet. I convinced myself that I am not going to forget, again, that I was abused. Therefore in order to do that I have to think about it alot and get those memories "back".

I have been through some scary and terrible things at a very young age. It is almost safe to say I have been victim of this my whole life, for some reason, and it really hurts me. I am now 20 and lately I have been figuring out why I (or maybe not me) made the decisions in my life that has led me to where I am now. I know I can't blame all of my choices on the people that did this me, but I guess I am now figuring out who I am or am not.

Sorry if it happened to you too. Be aware of everything I guess. I know for a fact I physically can't trust anybody as of right now. I dont know if I should or shouldn't but it becomes tiresome to always be thinking everybody is out to get you. But thanks for giving me the oppurtunity to speak cause I have definately held this in for too long. So I guess I just let it out spare the detail. I hope it helps.

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