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Feeling very lonely, unappreciated
shamelreaper Views: 8,602
Published: 15 years ago

Feeling very lonely, unappreciated

Well I really don't know how to begin... my whole life I've felt as though people just tolerate me. It's not like I didn't have friends, I did but when looking back and what is going on now, it is history repeating itself for me. It started as a child I was considered a "cry baby" because I was shy and unable to deal with the childhood teasing and taunting. Quite frankly I thought it made me a stronger person as i did change a lot through the years. I became more assertive and stopped taking things so personally, started to not stand on the side for fear of being teased.

Now that I am 30 I thought that maybe I would be taken a little more seriously but again, I see that tolerance is directed at me and not actual friendship. I make plans with people they always break them, then trying to make more plans, no one calls me back, i get excuses (right now its bitterness speaking) that I know are just to placate me and I feel it is only to send me off and again, no one speaks to me. I get "hi how are you, its cold outside" conversations but again, the look in their eyes tells me they really do not want me to speak with them. Sitting with co-workers, they are making plans, everyone is putting in their 2 cents but when I speak up, I get the "we weren't asking you to come". These looks I know intimately as I have seen them my whole life, throughout school, "friends" only wanted something out of me and then once they got whatever they wanted they would dump me as a friend. Once I asked a "good" friend of many years what I did and they told me outright "they only tolerated me because they were bored, wanted my boyfriend and they now have found a better friend so go away and leave me alone you are annoying!" I tell you as a teenager, that really drove me to try and not be what they said I was, I turned quiet and sat on the side again. I also turned to guys as friends as guys do not really want much but mutual interest and fun things to do such as 4x4ing or what have you. For a time, i wasn't feeling lonely but after a while again being left out started up again. I couldn't understand and then i found out it was because they thought I would sleep with them, had a car and when I didn't sleep with them, they did not want me around.

I am quite educated, no one belives me when I offer them my assistance when they need help or looks like they are struggling with something. I have been told outright that someone my age would never know those things. Did it ever occur to people that a person can start university early? Have the experience regardless of their age? It seems no one I have ever cross paths with can. Again I get that look. Again I have been told I am not believed...why? I believe what I am told (to an extent of course) simply because I have not been proven otherwise.

I simply feel people do not like me. I do not burble on and on about what I know or my education, I simply like to join in general conversations, where people have been or what the gardening year may look like. Really, I have been told I am fun to be around but that's where it ends. I have numerous interests and again, not included. I have even gone as far as try to invite myself and it still was unaccepted! A few months ago i was invited to a retirement party by the person retiring and I was asked to leave by other people. Whatever i did to them i will never know ( I asked around as to why), they just did not want me there.

At this point, I really do not like people and I am very bitter. I am married and have been for almost 12 years, helped raised 2 children, have my own jewelry making business on top of a regular job. It is not like I do not have a life but again, I have given up on people and am leaning towards a "hate on" people.

I just would like to know if there is anyone out there experiencing this? I know there is. This post is for the venting of it all I guess. Feel free to add your thoughts and input, if you think i am just whining that's OK I understand because that ALWAYS runs through my mind when I start speaking about this. I am full of self doubt and I know it is not healthy at all.

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