Re: I am often confused (Warning: *very* sensitive material)

Hello. I was browsing through the website and actually, I backed into this forum through another forum. I saw your post and I was intrigued. I'm a loving, tender human being, but I'm going to try a very direct approach in responding to your post.
I'm going to illustrate two different parts of you. First, I suspect that you have your 'indulgences' that you believe indicate a flaw in you somehow. For example, perhaps you made an ass out of yourself at some party once and you still carry the pain of the humiliation with you. Most people would say, well, I was drunk and stupid and shake it off. You would perceive it more as tarnish on your finally polished metal and you must have that metal shiny. You definitely do not want people disapproving of you. That includes scum bags. Which brings me to the second part of you. You don't want to be the kind of person that looks down on the less fortunate. Let me make this short and sweet. Scum bags are scum bags because of the choices they have made. By allowing yourself to remain with them,you are taking on their karma. When you blame yourself or tolerate intolerable behavior, that's the act of taking on someone else's karma. You can only serve your own karma. Now, it translates: to if I don't judge others, then I'll be able to solicit enough forgiveness for me so that I can be loved. The problem is, your idea of not judging someone, means taking them home and giving them a warm bath. So this really is a problem of discernment and ignorance. The universe will bring love into these people's lives without you. How do you know? They found you didn't they?
You need to know that you can be loved simply because you want to be. That means that if you want to be more adventurous in bed, you should have continuity of respect and love when you express your desires. This takes practice. Ah, ha... The real pain. I must risk rejection to live a full life. I must risk rejection to know what it is to experience unconditional love. If you are with someone who really loves you, taking that risk will prove incredibly rewarding. The reason I say this is the real pain, is because it's less painful to have the crap kicked out of us than it is for us to reveal the deepest part of ourselves to someone and have them reject us. We aren't at risk of revealing our true desire or of having expectations if we are with people who clearly will never honor or appreciate those things anyway.
We also need to learn how to diffuse the emotion attached to developing a new habit and the emotion attached to being abused. When push comes to shove, disciplining ourselves to use better judgment and start opening up is a lot like losing weight. You need a plan, support, exercise, commitment. Save the emotional charge for the thrill of fulfillment and developing a new skill. If you charge each moment with fear, you'll produce an insecure relationship every time. If you charge each moment with breath and evenness, you'll either produce the relationship you want or recognize that the relationship you want isn't here. It's better to have your wits about you, so that you don't sabotage your own efforts.
Tweet