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It's' been a good while since I've posted with regard to my personal situation.
What this all has been for me was a very, very hard learning experience. I've learned a great deal about myself through strong work with a counseling therapist - why I've made choices that I have, and how I cannot (and, SHOULD not) take responsibility for the soon-to-be-ex's choices and decisions. I've learned that a sociopath can present the most normal of facades and neatly compartmentalize the most vile truths imaginable. I've learned that I had the ability to close the door on a marriage that was a lie from beginning to end. I have learned that money was the basis of my marriage, and that I will never, ever, EVER include someone else in my personal finances - no matter how much I think they can be trusted, or how much I think I might "love" them.
I've also learned that there are some very, very good human beings out there who do not mean harm to me. I honestly and truly believed that I was utterly alone in this world and I have experienced the opposite. People have come out of the proverbial woodwork to help me and my son, and this has restored my faith in mankind, to a degree. Not everyone has an agenda, but I am thoroughly cautious, now.
As I'm going through this process of divorce and healing, I'm finally discovering that I am valuable. I have gifts, talents, and abilities that I can rely upon. I don't need or require the affirmation or approval of anyone else. I don't need to defend my actions or my reasons for divorcing. I'm addressing some truths about myself and taking steps to alter things so that I don't allow others to take advantage of me on any level.
What I want CZ members to understand is that, no matter HOW desperate, hurtful, horrific, or depressing a situation may seem, the experience is temporary if we wish it to be so. No matter how "alone" we believe that we are, there will be those people that we never expected to have our backs and clutch our arms when we start to fall.
Brightest blessings to all, especially to those who have been deliberately harmed by another human being. All things happen for "A Reason," and even the most terrible of circumstances can provide something positive for us to learn about ourselves and others.
Thanks so much, Blue Rose. I have to say that this has been the most bizzare, terrifying, and heartbreaking journey, to date.
But, through working with this amazing counseling therapist, I've managed to avoid most of the pitfalls when ending a relationship. Am I angry? Oh, hell yes, I am. Am I heartbroken? Well, nope - not anymore. Do I have hope that I'm going to be okay? Yeah - after a long while (since finding that nasty bag in September).
I post to get this emotional infection out of my system - it's sort of like a huge abcess that's full of infection. If I don't "do something" to get the emotions out, I'll internalize everything and turn myself against my Self. If whatever I'm posting provides anything positive to someone else, then it's an absolute bonus.
Thank you so much for your positive thoughts and energy, Blue Rose. <HUGS>
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