Hi there 17975...

Remember that you can turn that around at any time! YES. Being aware is half the battle - more than half, really. Take the bull by the horns and let Love into your heart...open up and let it flow through you...doing this is all it takes. Start sharing yourself 17975! (wish you had a name!)

Change right now and remember...energy follows thought...

love Tracey

How very touching that you have come to realize were your past mistakes have led you. >>BUT<<, it is never, ever, too late. No!! There are just as many people out there in a similiar condition that would love for someone to reach out to them.
Fragility can be overcome and distancing replaced for company in spite of yourself.
Fill up your hours of solitude with materials that will feed the love in you, and then let it flow out from you.
I agree with Tracey, I wish you would reveal your name to us. You know, opening yourself up to people, even in an internet forum is a good starting excercise.
Many blessings to you!
Alikat

Wow...That sucks but your not dead yet...you can come out of your shell