I first posted the excerpt below almost three years ago, since then things have gotten worse. I feel like a zombie, dragging my decaying corpse through life waiting to be put out of my misery.
Originally posted 1/13/04:
My Harsh Reality:
I STINK, it seems from every pore and every orifice on my body. My overriding Body Odor
is feculent with a number of variations on the stench, it has ranged from rotten eggs to diarrhea and all the in between. But, this odor is getting even stronger competition from the odors emanating from my feet; For most of my life I've sweated a lot from my hands and feet (hyperhidrosis), literally like water running from a tap and because of this I have to contend with rancid foot odor. My shoes, from sandals to sneakers, start to reek within minutes of the first wear and the smell saturates my environment. I'm not done, there is also the crotch odor, the ripe underarm odor, and halitosis.
To put it bluntly, I smell like a decaying corpse or a hobo who has been on the streets, unwashed for years. I want to crawl out of my own skin.
This is not a matter of personal hygiene; I’m a clean person, more so than the average. A "normal" person wouldn't believe the lenghts I've gone to to minimize, if not eliminate altogether the odors, but I'm sure some of you would. (ex. when it first started, I was so freaked out, I finished four full bottles of my mother's perfume in two months, and was she pissed.)
I've been dealing for more than thirteen years and the impact it’s had on my life has been astronomically painful to endure and it has placed decisive limits on my quality of life. Everyday is a struggle to face the world shunned and scorned due to something I can’t control. I’ve been to doctors, but forgive me they're useless. I’ve also searched the internet, but haven’t found any truly helpful information.
And, it has gotten and is continuing to get worse as time goes on. I'm not really living on hope any more, I'm still alive only because I haven't dropped dead. But, I'm still fighting for my life, minute by minute and increasingly second by second until time runs out and I'm consumed or until I can get my head above water and finally take a deep odor free breath.
Optimally, I would like a cure, realistically I'm a stanch pessimist by experience. If nothing else I'm posting this so that the next person like me who comes across this site can know that they are not alone, I thank every person who posted here for letting me know that I'm not alone.
P.S. Interestingly, I had a pretty good sense of smell and could smell myself and other odors outside of myself for most of my life, but over the past three years, I've become virtually anosmic (loss of sense of smell). How do I know I still stink? Every now and then I get a whiff. Also, people haven't changed, they still react like they smell shit and run for the hills.
I've also noticed in the past few weeks that it seems that my sense of taste is diminishing (granted I was very sick recently, flu-like illness). I'm becoming more and more numb literally and figuratively (I don't feel physical pain as intensely as I use to). I think the culmination of the stress of so many years is causing my senses to shut down.