what to do 
#39296
19 y
4,596
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I am a 27 year old mother of a 10 yr old. I had her when i was 16 and abortion was just so wrong i couldn't go through with it. I always told myself that I will not have another child until I am married, I just couldn't imagine having 2 kids by different fathers and the second on not my husband...i have been keeping to that way of thinking until now. today i find out I am expecting.
Crazy story.
Dating this guy for only 3-4 months, great guy he has 2 children takes care of them, i mean he has them more than his ex-wife does, great dad. he told me one night that he had been snipped, vasectomy, i was thinking great! i don't want anymore children right now, not even sure if i did want anymore, i thought i was double protected me on birth control him snipped what more can a girl want. well last month i was a late with my period, stress causes that, even though i am never late, i figured it was stress because I was going through a lot of stuff with my sister, and i mean a lot. so i kinda dismissed it. i even went to my gyno for a pap told her i was late she asked if there was anyway i was pregnant I told her no, i was on the pill he was snipped.
today i had to just clear my head and take a test just to be sure. sure enough i am having a baby.
when i told him about it i asked him again...you had a vasectomy right? his answer was NO!!!!
he lied to me...here i am taking my pill but not like i should be i mean not at the same time everyday sometimes evening sometimes morning hell i even missed it at one point because he was SNIPPED!!! only 1% chance of getting pregnant when he is snipped, now he is wondering where i even came up with such a story...WE HAD A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT! he even made the comment that he wasn't sure he trusted it because he still ejaculated....one reason i looked it up!!!
now i don't know what to do...i can't have another kid right now...i have a crappy job and i already take care of one by myself...i can't afford it. i know he would be there for me but i just can't see myself having another baby with someone that is not my husband. i don't know what to do. he is acting as if nothing has happend talking about shopping while i am chewing on every nail I have. i am really looking into an abortion but i don't have the money and i don't know if he would help.
just would like some advise. good or bad i really don't care. i am going to talk to some people on monday a pro-choice clinic help me make up my mind.
just any advise...thanksAdvertisement
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- Re: what to do Ev
19 y
3,514
This is a reply to # 721,801Advertisement
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I'm deeply sorry that you are in this situation. No one can tell you what to do, this is your decision and only you can make the call on what you will do.
However I can tell you that if you have an abortion you will probably regret it for years to come. Especially, in your circumstance when you already have one child. As you will know first hand that you are missing out on the joy that comes with having a child. Yes, there is a lot of headaches with childrearing, but the joy far out weighs the headaches!
As well as the emotional turmoil that comes with abortion there also comes a physical risk of complications such as hemorrhage, sepsis, infection, perforation of the cervix, scarring, increased risk of uterine and breast cancer because of hormone shock!
They may or may not warn you of the above known complications that can occur during and after an abortion. In my case they didn't. I regret having the abortion, because I now realize there are many other ways to deal with a "tricky" situation and unplanned pregnancy. I too, was lied to and told the story of sterilization! It's frustrating and I totally sympathize with you. I wish I could give you a hug!
Do you have family or friends around that would encourage you, and help out if necessary?
Make sure that you don't just take someone's advice and do what they tell you. Make sure you research all your options thoroughly!
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- Re: what to do #3627
19 y
3,540
This is a reply to # 721,801Wow! Tough call girlfriend! I guess from now on you'll have to up your conviction a notch by making that no sex with anyone other than your husband, not just no babies with anyone other than your husband. Ovbiously the first isn't bullet proof.
But what's done is done and the fear and anxiety you are now feeling is enough. The majority of people here will not tell you to go ahead and have an abortion, but if you go to a pro-choice clinic, then you will meet with their approval.
The thing to do now is think really hard not about you, but about the life you are carrying within you, your child. Do you really want to kill him/her just because you can't see ahead right now? Once that's done, there's no turning back. On the other hand, if you birth your baby, there will always be a way to survive, even if you can't see it now. I'm sure there's no way you won't love your child, because you sound like a loving mom, just a stressed and frightened one.
Don't think I'm judging you - no way, please, don't think that at all. Just trying to help you see from a different perspective, a perspective that others may not share.
I wish I had better answers for you, but all I can say is have faith. When Ev and others come by, they will have way better answers for you than I, but you do have my sympathy and love. I pray you will consider honey, and that you will have all your needs met and full peace of mind with yourself and with God. :-)Advertisement
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- Re: what to do beej
19 y
3,260
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When I met my wife she had a two year old daughter that she was bringing up on her own. There was no father in the picture at all. She had it hard but it was good that she would not give up the child. I thought alot of her for that.
We fell in love and married and I adopted my first child. She is 22 now and has a nice husband that I love. They have two children. They call me Pa Pa.
My sister inlaw had a few abortions and she has had bad feelings years later and has had miscarriages.
I would say you should keep it and your heart will thank you. - Re: what to do #21676
19 y
3,308
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This is a reply to # 721,801Pregnant at 16 is not the same as pregnant at 27. If you don't marry this creep (yes he's a creep), will you be able to find a husband when you are 35 and trying to date again? The more kids you have and the longer you wait, the harder it will be to date and find a real husband for the family you want. A lot of guys don't mind a 10 year old kid when dating, but another newborn will not be conducive to seeking a lifetime partner. Don't make the same mistake twice. Did I say your 10 year old daughter is a mistake? NO. Your 10 year old daughter needs stability, not a lying manipulative creep step-father who doesn't seem to care about you or makes you come second after his first family. Do you really want this creep to be the new father to your 10 year old daughter?
My gut tells me this creep is bad news and that he is not the husband you want. My gut also tells me that you have a pattern of falling into these situations, letting things happen to you instead of planning things for your future. Take care of your daughter, yourself and your future by finding a quality husband first, THEN if you BOTH decide to have a baby that you can both commit to, do so.
Not to mention the financial and time demands if you have a child now. A real husband would raise a baby with you. I doubt this creep has any intention or even ability of helping you raise his/your child other than child support payments. Don't you deserve better?
Don't just think about the baby, think about the family, husband and future kids you might be giving up if you do not get an abortion.
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- Re: what to do beej
19 y
3,188
This is a reply to # 721,805Advertisement
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I'm a man, but I've known women who have aborted, and I know it's not something they can do and then just go their merry way. It seems to haunt them for years.
I am pro choice, but I have seen the hurt that a woman feels too.- Re: what to do #69242
19 y
3,186
- Re: what to do Ev
19 y
3,412
This is a reply to # 721,80717172: You are sweet, and I thank you for your kind words and affirmation.
It's a hard call, and a hard situation. But I must make a couple of points here.
#1
Having an abortion after having one child already, will be 50x harder than if you had no experience of child rearing.
#2
Why on earth is okay for a man to have multiple children with multiple partners and he can easily go on and find girlfriends and even a wife. However a woman is looked down upon when she is a single mother? Can anyone say double standard?
Listen if you find yourself in a hard situation, with an unplanned pregnancy and decide to keep that baby. Don't feel the least bit frightened about not being able find a mate later! Think for a minute. What does it say about the potential mate if they flee because of a child? It likely just means that you will weed out the creeps before getting tangled with them.
As well don't think you are "saving" your future children from hardship. If you have a baby, you are actually giving them a sibling, which is a gift. Sibling relationships, when nurtured are beautiful friendships! Then if you already have a child or children you are giving them a gift.
I'm pro choice too, but for good reason. Not for poor excuses.
You have to think for yourself, and when making a major decision like this one, don't go into it blind. You wouldn't buy a car with out checking out all your options.
Don't do anything to your body or life that can cause major problems with out checking out all your options.
Love,
Ev
P.S. If anyone needs more personal information or referrals please email me.
- Re: what to do Ev
19 y
3,412
- Re: what to do #69242
19 y
3,186
- Re: what to do beej
19 y
3,188
- Re: what to do #50992
19 y
3,363
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
Original Dr. Hulda Clark
Hulda Clark Cleanses
This is a reply to # 721,801Advertisement
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Dear Friend - Thank you for sharing your story. You're obviously in a difficult situation, and one of the best things you could have done for yourself is to ask for help.
You feel betrayed. It's likely you hooked up with the wrong guy. And you feel totally unprepared for this. But having an abortion doesn't solve any of these problems. However it is that you got here, you are now here, and you have to take responsibility for your actions. I hope I don't sound cruel, but that's how it is. You are now the mother of two children, and regardless of this guy's present or former actions, that doesn't change.
Abortion tell people the lies that 'we can fix this little problem', 'don't let this mess up your life', 'it's just a blob of flesh - cut it out and move on'. Lies. That's just not true. Now is the time to be honest ... Honest with yourself about the decisions you've made, honest with God about your need for Him, honest with your male friend about the status of your relationship and honest with those around you about your pregnancy.
I'm sure you're dreading having to tell your family and friends. Most people will surprise you with their support and encouragement. A few people will judge and stigmatize you - those are the ones you likely need to part ways with.
You will never regret doing the right thing. Your second child is just as unique and wonderful as your first. You can tell both of your children you chose them and loved them before they even knew it. And made a huge sacrfice on their behalf before they were even aware of you. That is precious. And that is the foundation for a beautiful life together.
Just by your letter, I know that you're a woman of character. Please do the right thing. Feel free to email - I'd love to hear from you. Ray
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- Re: what to do hanna
19 y
3,265
This is a reply to # 721,809There are so amny childless couples who are waiting to adopt a baby. It is not an easy thing to do, but if you want to do it for the best interest of the baby that is a wonderful way to go. Someone in my family was a adopted, had a wonderful life, and later in life was able to find his birthmother, who always missed him, but she knew it was the right thing to do. What happened to her was simular as your situation. Already one child and financially not able to support a 2nd child.
Did you see the programs on tv, that you now even can find people that are willing to keep you up to date about the progress of the child or sometimes you can interview the new parents so you can feel comfortable with the family.
I hope you are strong enough to follow this route, if you do not want to go for an abortion.- Re: what to do #39296
19 y
3,335
This is a reply to # 721,810Advertisement
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thanks to everyone for their words whether they were kind of just telling me how it is. however I decided to have my second child. I spent all weekend thinking about it and looking at my beautiful daughter and there is no way i would ever survive an abortion or adoption. The father will still be in the picture since this is what he wanted so i am not worried about it anymore. everything will be okay. my mom on the other hand....whole other story, i will tell her when i am showing lol. thanks again for everyones support...now i just have to tell my traveling buddy that there will be no cruise for me i have bigger and better things to spend my money on.
thanks again for everyones help. i will keep an updated post.Advertisement
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- Re: what to do #69242
19 y
3,102
- Re: what to do Ev
19 y
3,180
This is a reply to # 721,811I'm also very happy that you spent the weekend thinking it over and came to your own decision. Be strong, and don't let anyone make you vulnerable. We'll always be here to lend a listening ear and advice if you request it.
You are doubly blessed!
How far along do you think you are?
Check out all your options regarding hospital birth vs. home birth, doctor vs. midwife.
There is a pregnancy/childbirth forum here:
http://www.curezone.com/forums/f.asp?f=60&t=29596
There you will find various questions with various answers.
Take care of yourself and get plenty of rest, while you can!
:) - Re: what to do #50992
19 y
3,399
This is a reply to # 721,811Thank you so much for this good news. I've been praying for you since I first read your post Sunday morning. This is the best news I've gotten all week. I'm very happy for you. God bless you.
- Re: what to do #69242
19 y
3,102
- Re: what to do #39296
19 y
3,335
- Re: what to do hanna
19 y
3,265
- Re: what to do Ev
19 y
3,514
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