Many women feel un-forgivable after having an abortion, and unfortunately this un-forgiveness can last for years. For some reason because of our maternal makeup we feel condemned by our choice and a lack of forgiveness towards our self.

I want you all to know that you can forgive yourself, it is very real possibility. Not only that but the very forgiveness I speak about will also enrich your life because you will cease to live under the clouds of condemnation. Unfortunately self-condemnation and forgiveness are closely tied together.

I know a lot of women, react with a skeptical attitude, and reason it with saying, "...but you don't know how bad I feel, I'm horrible for what I have done...." Remember, I know. I used to be one of those women. One day though - I said enough! I’m worth more than those negative feelings, and I'm going to enrich my life and rise above those feelings!

Part of this journey for myself also included turning my life toward Jesus Christ, and making a sound decision to serve him. But I know not all of you will want to do the same, so rest assured that I wouldn’t push "religion" towards you. I just have some helpful advice and information on forgiving yourself and others.

So lets start with, what forgiveness is all about!

1: to give up resentment of or claim to requital for b) to grant relief from payment of

2: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : PARDON

When we are forgiving ourselves it brings a whole new meaning to the word, and importance to the act of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not forgetting, denial, seeking justice, condemning or excusing the "wrong doing". It is an act of the heart.

The following information is an excerpt from the International Forgiveness Institute

The following is a brief description of the four phases of forgiveness.

Uncovering Phase

During this phase the individual becomes aware of the emotional pain that has resulted from a deep, unjust injury. Characteristic feelings of anger or even hatred may be present. As these negative emotions are confronted and the injury is honestly understood, individuals may experience considerable emotional distress. Deciding on the appropriate amount of energy to process this pain and still function effectively is an important consideration during this phase. However, as the anger and other negative emotions are brought out into the open healing can begin to occur.

Decision Phase

The individual now realizes that to continue to focus on the injury and the injurer may cause more unnecessary suffering. The individual begins to understand that a change must occur to go ahead in the healing process. The individual may then experience a " heart conversion" or, in other words, a life change in a positive direction. The individual entertains the idea of forgiveness as a healing strategy. The individual, then, commits to forgiving the injurer who has caused him/her such pain. Complete forgiveness is not yet realized but the injured individual has decided to explore forgiveness and to take initial steps in the direction of full forgiveness. An important first step at this point is to forego any thoughts, feelings or intentions of revenge toward the injurer.

Work Phase

Here the forgiving individual begins the active work of forgiving the injurer. This phase may include new ways of thinking about the injurer. The injured individual may strive to understand the injurer's childhood or put the injurious event in context by understanding the pressures the injurer was under at the time of the offense. This new way of thinking is undertaken not to excuse the injurer of his/her responsibility for the offense, but rather to better understand him/her and to see the injurer as a member of the human community. Often, this new understanding may be accompanied by a willingness to experience empathy and compassion toward the offender. The work phase also includes the heart of forgiveness, which is the acceptance of the pain that resulted from the actions of the injurer. This must not be confused with any sense of deserving the pain but rather a bearing of pain that has been unjustly given. As the individual bears the pain, he/she chooses not to pass it on to others, including the injurer. This is often where the challenge of a "quest for the good" is most evident. Indeed, the individual may now become ready to begin to offer goodwill toward the injurer in the form of merciful restraint, generosity, and moral love. This may or may not include a reconciliation. The goodwill may be offered while at the same time taking into consideration current issues of trust and safety in the relationship between the individual and the injurer.

Outcome/Deepening Phase

In this phase the forgiving individual begins to realize that he/she is gaining emotional relief from the process of forgiving his/her injurer. The forgiving individual may find meaning in the suffering that he/she has faced. The emotional relief and new found meaning may lead to increased compassion for self and others. The individual may discover a new purpose in life and an active concern for his/her community. Thus, the forgiver discovers the paradox of forgiveness: as we give to others the gifts of mercy, generosity, and moral love, we ourselves are healed.


Please work towards the necessary steps in forgiving yourself and others that may have been involved in the abortion. Don't hold on the hurt and pain that come with this decision. Learning to forgive is very important not only for yourself but also those around you. It is such a profound life lesson, that will not only affect this area of your life but you will also be able to forgive in other situations down the road on this journey that we call life.

If you are at all curious how I found forgiveness and the power to forgive myself, this is how it happened. I came to the understanding though some close friends that the Bible is a very relevant piece of literature and I now believe that it is the inspired written word of God. The Bible tells us that Jesus Christ is our Healer, our Peace, and our Joy. I came to Jesus at first, simply because I was desperate, and He brought healing and wholeness into my life. I came to Him, heavy with guilt, and He took it away. On the Cross, He carried not only my (yours too) guilt, but also our grief and our heartache. When I came to Him with these, He freed me from them. Yes, memories remain, and I cannot bring back the baby lost in the abortion, but I am no longer destroyed by those memories. Because of Jesus and His working in my life I have overcome very painful life experiences.

That same hope is an option and free for anyone that so chooses!
The Bible tells us that if we come to God in genuine repentance, then He will forgive us because of what Jesus has done. Jesus' death and resurrection mean we now have a way into the presence of the God who created us. This is because the death and resurrection of Jesus atoned for the sins of this fallen world.

So, instead of continuing to be separated from Him, we can now choose have a one-on-one intimate relationship with a loving God who has promised that He will never in any way reject us!

I’m very open to hear what your thoughts are on this issue, so please feel free to comment…




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Many women feel un-forgivable after having an abortion, and unfortunately this un-forgiveness can last for years. For some reason because of our maternal makeup we feel condemned by our choice and a lack of forgiveness towards our self.

I want you all to know that you can forgive yourself, it is very real possibility. Not only that but the very forgiveness I speak about will also enrich your life because you will cease to live under the clouds of condemnation. Unfortunately self-condemnation and forgiveness are closely tied together.

I know a lot of women, react with a skeptical attitude, and reason it with saying, "...but you don't know how bad I feel, I'm horrible for what I have done...." Remember, I know. I used to be one of those women. One day though - I said enough! I’m worth more than those negative feelings, and I'm going to enrich my life and rise above those feelings!

Part of this journey for myself also included turning my life toward Jesus Christ, and making a sound decision to serve him. But I know not all of you will want to do the same, so rest assured that I wouldn’t push "religion" towards you. I just have some helpful advice and information on forgiving yourself and others.

So lets start with, what forgiveness is all about!

1: to give up resentment of or claim to requital for b) to grant relief from payment of

2: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : PARDON

When we are forgiving ourselves it brings a whole new meaning to the word, and importance to the act of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not forgetting, denial, seeking justice, condemning or excusing the "wrong doing". It is an act of the heart.

The following information is an excerpt from theInternational Forgiveness Institute

The following is a brief description of the four phases of forgiveness.

Uncovering Phase

During this phase the individual becomes aware of the emotional pain that has resulted from a deep, unjust injury. Characteristic feelings of anger or even hatred may be present. As these negative emotions are confronted and the injury is honestly understood, individuals may experience considerable emotional distress. Deciding on the appropriate amount of energy to process this pain and still function effectively is an important consideration during this phase. However, as the anger and other negative emotions are brought out into the open healing can begin to occur.

Decision Phase

The individual now realizes that to continue to focus on the injury and the injurer may cause more unnecessary suffering. The individual begins to understand that a change must occur to go ahead in the healing process. The individual may then experience a " heart conversion" or, in other words, a life change in a positive direction. The individual entertains the idea of forgiveness as a healing strategy. The individual, then, commits to forgiving the injurer who has caused him/her such pain. Complete forgiveness is not yet realized but the injured individual has decided to explore forgiveness and to take initial steps in the direction of full forgiveness. An important first step at this point is to forego any thoughts, feelings or intentions of revenge toward the injurer.

Work Phase

Here the forgiving individual begins the active work of forgiving the injurer. This phase may include new ways of thinking about the injurer. The injured individual may strive to understand the injurer's childhood or put the injurious event in context by understanding the pressures the injurer was under at the time of the offense. This new way of thinking is undertaken not to excuse the injurer of his/her responsibility for the offense, but rather to better understand him/her and to see the injurer as a member of the human community. Often, this new understanding may be accompanied by a willingness to experience empathy and compassion toward the offender. The work phase also includes the heart of forgiveness, which is the acceptance of the pain that resulted from the actions of the injurer. This must not be confused with any sense of deserving the pain but rather a bearing of pain that has been unjustly given. As the individual bears the pain, he/she chooses not to pass it on to others, including the injurer. This is often where the challenge of a "quest for the good" is most evident. Indeed, the individual may now become ready to begin to offer goodwill toward the injurer in the form of merciful restraint, generosity, and moral love. This may or may not include a reconciliation. The goodwill may be offered while at the same time taking into consideration current issues of trust and safety in the relationship between the individual and the injurer.

Outcome/Deepening Phase

In this phase the forgiving individual begins to realize that he/she is gaining emotional relief from the process of forgiving his/her injurer. The forgiving individual may find meaning in the suffering that he/she has faced. The emotional relief and new found meaning may lead to increased compassion for self and others. The individual may discover a new purpose in life and an active concern for his/her community. Thus, the forgiver discovers the paradox of forgiveness: as we give to others the gifts of mercy, generosity, and moral love, we ourselves are healed.


Please work towards the necessary steps in forgiving yourself and others that may have been involved in the abortion. Don't hold on the hurt and pain that come with this decision. Learning to forgive is very important not only for yourself but also those around you. It is such a profound life lesson, that will not only affect this area of your life but you will also be able to forgive in other situations down the road on this journey that we call life.
If you are at all curious how I found forgiveness and the power to forgive myself, this is how it happened. I came to the understanding though some close friends that the Bible is a very relevant piece of literature and I now believe that it is the inspired written word of God. The Bible tells us that Jesus Christ is our Healer, our Peace, and our Joy. I came to Jesus at first, simply because I was desperate, and He brought healing and wholeness into my life. I came to Him, heavy with guilt, and He took it away. On the Cross, He carried not only my (yours too) guilt, but also our grief and our heartache. When I came to Him with these, He freed me from them. Yes, memories remain, and I cannot bring back the baby lost in the abortion, but I am no longer destroyed by those memories. Because of Jesus and His working in my life I have overcome very painful life experiences. That same hope is an option and free for anyone that so chooses!
The Bible tells us that if we come to God in genuine repentance, then He will forgive us because of what Jesus has done. Jesus' death and resurrection mean we now have a way into the presence of the God who created us. This is because the death and resurrection of Jesus atoned for the sins of this fallen world. So, instead of continuing to be separated from Him, we can now choose have a one-on-one intimate relationship with a loving God who has promised that He will never in any way reject us!
I’m very open to hear what your thoughts are on this issue, so please feel free to comment…

 

 

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