If Gods We Be

Alone.
Completely alone.
Completely complete.
Completely unknowing
of our completeness.

Wandering thru life
tryin to find answers,
then tryin to find places
to hide from them.
I found one in your eyes.
It was warm and dark
and secret there.
I lulled about
in the luxury of hiding
inside someone else,
mistaking self deception
for acceptance.

Acceptance.
It’s all we seek,
All we want.
Gods have come into being because of it.
Gods who know the deep bitter wells of loneliness
and the dark corridors we stumble through.
Gods of compassion
who can forgive
what we ourselves cannot.
Gods that see through our eyes
and hear through our ears
and live inside our gut
(and turn against us when we deem it necessary.)

I thought myself accepted by you
and was happy to be me.
But now,
your presence removed,
am forced
to face myself
in the shallow depths
of my own soul.
I stand in the dank dampness
and stir the muddy bottom
with my toes,
Feeling the slimy muck
ooze between them
and over the tops of my feet.
There’s a suction created
trying to loose yourself
from the grip,
you can feel
the downward pull
and the slight slap as it breaks
and frees you to
imbalance.

Being with you I forgot
The dirty water about my feet
And tried to deceive myself
Into believing
your acceptance of me,
hoping to find
self acceptance.
I know now that
that acceptance will come
Only with complete,
withholding nothing,
acceptance of others.
I’ve accepted you in ways
I could not before,
and wonder now
if I was only
Rationalizing.
It becomes important
to me to try,
In the time before
we say our goodbyes,
to find that acceptance.
Perhaps it will come
only with that goodbye.
I cannot picture a future
without you.
Nor one with you,
Then remember my own words
and know
I cannot loose what I myself am.
But knowing
and realizing
are two different things,
and I feel poor
in spirit
next to you.

I want to accept you,
Not making you,
in my eyes,
Something
You are not.

Not wanting
To change you
Into someone
Easier for me
To accept.
Simply being able to see
Another person,
as is,
devoid of paper trimmings
put on by
my imagination.

And the thought comes to me,
If we be Gods,
then where is the
Understanding,
the Compassion,
the Knowing
That we are Gods?
Completely alone
Completely complete
and
Completely unknowing
Of our very own completeness.

Marjorie Ann Markowski