do you masturbate? if not, i'd suggest you try that first and learn to get comfortable with your body, what turns you on, what kind of sex drive you have. if you're scared of sex it likely means you're not ready, and that's perfectly fine. don't force yourself into anything if you're not ready to do it.

Please dont worry, I was exactly the same. I was 20 (5 yrs ago) when I finally found the courage & afterwards wondered what I'd been so nervous about! If you love & trust your partner then you'll be fine, if he cares as much about you then he will be gentle & understanding - & if he's not then DONT DO IT COZ HE'S NOT WORTH IT!

Pain-wise it's important to be relaxed or it will hurt. For me it was just a tiny pain for a second but the whole thing was so enjoyable & exciting I hardly noticed - & its such a relief!

I agree the best way to start is to get comfortable with your own body & what you enjoy. There really is no rush to lose your virginity, if your boyfriend truly loves you then he'll only want you to do it when you are ready.

Good luck, & feel free to email me if you want to chat.

K xx

I didn't have sex till I was thirty. You're not a sexaphobe. For me it hurt like hell, and I didn't even have an cllmax. Oh well.

i wanted to wait till marriage when i was younger (didn't we all, haha), and then i was with a boy who loved me very much, and after 8 months of dating and heavy petting/oral, i decided i really, really wanted it. one day i just woke up like "today i will have intercourse". it was totally weird. i was completely at peace with the fact that i was giving myself to somone. it went from "losing" something authentically and preciously me, to "gaining" the experience of sharing it with someone. i was 18. so we did, and it was probably the BEST hetero sex i've ever had. it hurt a little, but i didn't notice it. it's so emotionally and physically powerful, it was just a trivial by-product. but that was me.
a friend of mine was the opposite. she wanted to wait for the same reasons as you. she lost her virginity at, i think, 22. for her, it was all about control (admittedly). fear, but mostly control. depending on how you look at it, losing your virgintiy is giving a lot of control to someone else. emotionally, physically, etc. on the other hand, it's giving a lot of control to yourself. control over your sexuality and desires.
don't do it with the guy your with or the next guy that comes along if you do not feel completely comfortable. not just comfortable, but resolved, excited, optimistic, safe.
also, don't not have sex with a man because you feel like he doesn't "live up" to superficial requirements. the size of a man's penis, how good-looking he is, his body's appearance all have little to do with how he is in bed.
i wouldn't do anything until ready, but i would simultaneously contamplate the reasons WHY you don't want to have sex. a therapist (or even a listening friend) can draw out of you the real reason you are afraid, whatever that may be. we often don't realize why we're afraid of things, love thing, dislike things, hate things, and discovering that (and it really is "discovering") can send you on your way to dealing with it and having a great fulfilling sex life.
masterbate! masterbate! masterbate! masterbate! masterbate!