Jumping in head first 
coachme4success
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Greetings, all. My name is Mary and I am an alcoholic. Period. My sobriety date is 12/28/1983. I've been reading this forum, trying to get a handle of where some of you are coming from and it's been real interesting, to say the least. I got sober through the rooms of AA and though I know a lot of people have other opinons on what works best, I can only share what worked for me.
I didn't get drunk by accident when I was drinking and I didn't get sober by accident either. When I got to the rooms, I kept my options open and watched to see who really seemed to be enjoying the type of life that I desperately wanted. My future sponsor was actually easy to find because her serentity was like a beacon and was impossible to miss - her name is Kay and when we met, she had been sober for 15 years, now it's been 36 years, still serene and still a beacon. The single most important advice she gave me in my early years was this: Understand and acknowledge the part you have played in getting to this point by the choices you have made, and you will see how your future path is also chosen by the choices you make, each and every day.
Real simple. I needed to change my outlook on life to see that I deserved to be the sort of person I wanted to be, instead of the sort of person I had been. I needed to act, rather than react. For me, that means that taking personal responsibility for all my actions is critical and looking actively for the next right step to take to reach my goals. For what it's worth, I don't think real sobriety is possible without doing whatever it takes to grow on a personal level. Take the time to understand yourself and what motivates you and you will have a very large clue to why alcohol was able to drive you to your knees. I'll second the opinion that alcoholism is just a sympton of an underlying problem, so until the work is done to understand that problem, little real progress can happen.
If you've been where I've been, no explanation is neccesary; if you haven't, none is possible.
-Mary
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- Re: Jumping in head first Chaz
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This is a reply to # 377,502Its starting to look like an AA meet here! I don't understand why AAers feel the need to push there agenda here? When there is a 12 step support forum lying empty!If they where here just for support like the forum was titled, AA wounldnt be the main focus of discussion! Ununderstood to most AAers is the desperate need by some to find relief from AA and the guilt they instill! There is sort of an in your face approach from these promotors who feel they have that right! But many find it quiet offensive and have refrained from posting for these reasons! It makes me think the concept of AA as a cult to be true!//www.curezone.org/forums/f.asp?f=522&t=37466
- Re: Jumping in head first coachme4success
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MoreThis is a reply to # 377,503Chaz, is the fact that I mentioned that I went to AA when I first got sober an 'agenda' to you? Sorry if that bothers you, especially since I also noted that others have found other way to get sober. I think your negativity was uncalled for, and counter-productive. It might even be of interest to you to know that I haven't been a regular attendee at AA meetings in years, but I did learn from people I met through the program years ago how to change my outlook and grow as a person. That change has allowed me to stay sober and healthy for over 21 years now.
-Mary - Re: Jumping in head first shadowalker164
19 y
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MoreThis is a reply to # 377,503Chaz,
The notion was put forward to me early in my sobriety that when everyone in the room is an ass hole, it’s time to look at myself.
Do you really think that your unrelenting anger and vitriol is going to attract anyone to your point of view?
Mello out, my friend. Life’s to short to squander the hours we have been given in such dubious pursuits.
Shadowalker164- Re: Jumping in head first shadowalker164
19 y
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This is a reply to # 377,505coachme4success…
One more thing, thanks for the wonderful quote from your sponsor “Understand and acknowledge the part you have played in getting to this point by the choices you have made, and you will see how your future path is also chosen by the ch- Re: Jumping in head first shadowalker164
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This is a reply to # 377,506My bad, that html stuff. Let me try again
coachme4success…
Thanks for the wonderful quote from your sponsor “Understand and acknowledge the part you have played in getting to this point by the choices you have made, and you will see how your future path is also chosen by the choices you make, each and every day.”
With your permission, I will tell my guys those words of wisdom as if I thought them up myself.
Shadowalker164
- Re: Jumping in head first coachme4success
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This is a reply to # 377,507Be my guest, Shadow - I know I was paraphrasing it myself too after all this time. I learned an enormous amount about myself in the process of getting alcohol out of my life and I'm always glad when someone else can make use of these things too.
It all comes down to taking personal responsibility for what we do as individuals, and that concept scares a lot of people. It's always a lot easier to try to cast the blame on something external, and in many ways, our society seems to encourage that mindset. I hear a lot of talk about how people are driven to pick up a drink because of the physical compulsion and, trust me, I understand that compulsion very well and will stand firm behind those that work to lessen that with nutrition because that does help a great deal. But, here's the important thing - the best supplements in the world will not prevent you from picking up a drink if you make that choice and the strongest physical compulsion in existence cannot make you take a drink if you choose not to. For me, to believe otherwise is the mindset of a slave.
When I first tried to get sober, I didn't believe that I had a choice - I completely and totalled believed that I was a hopeless case. I had to learn that I could be in control of my own body by combatting the emotional issues that drove me to drink, because ultimately they were far, far stronger than any phyical aspect of my alcoholism.
Hopefully, some of that makes sense to folks. I've never believed that there was only one specific pathway that led to sobriety, but do believe firmly that any pathway that succeeds will include taking whatever steps are necessary to regain control over our emotions and physical desires. And that, I feel, takes personal growth and critical thinking.
-Mary- Re: Jumping in head first serenity now
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This is a reply to # 377,508Preach it Mary!
And congratulations on 20 plus years!
Most alcoholics don't quit. You're an inspiration to me!
Dave- Re: Jumping in head first Chaz
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This is a reply to # 377,509If you take offense , sorry If you don't understand the intention of my posts that is typical of those who continue to unknowingly cause conflicts in this forum as can be attested if any one has bothered to read some of the other posts in this forum!
This appears to be an ongoing problem in this forum and I believe this is a lack of moderation and a bias on thier side
that does not direct these posts to the correct forum designated for AA support! In affect allowing these posters to continue to create an adversarial atmosphere !
My objections are not personal nor directed to any one poster but to convince those who care that both paradigms can be treated equally and both can be helped in their choice of treatments without the discouragment of established forms of treatment!
My proposal is very simple those who are looking for alterntive forms of treatment should have a place to do so with out hesitance or rebuttal and those who want to promote or endorece the treatment s of AA to do so in the designated forum!
I really don't see any other way to keep this ongoing difference of paradigms from clashing! I believe until this issue is settled the help and oppurtuniy to speak freely will be diminished and little will be offered in way of help to those who are lookin for options! - Re: Jumping in head first coachme4success
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This is a reply to # 377,509Dave, you'll get there. You already know a lot of ways to kick the compulsion so that's a huge plus and I can tell from the thing you've said in this forum that you're open-minded and that's also a huge plus. The hardest part of any type of recovery for most people is getting rid of the negative mindset that years of self-destructive behavior have brought about. Lower than whale-guano? You bet! Feel like a failure? Absolutely! TURN THAT CRAP OFF! RIGHT NOW! Don't sign up for the class!
Your subconscious mind does not know the difference between the truth and a lie - it blindly accepts and acts upon whatever your conscious mind tells it. So start telling yourself good things, daily, and do it until it becomes second nature. Don't use negatives in your phrases like 'I don't drink anymore' because the subconscious doesn't interpret the negative and will interpret that line as 'I drink'. Use phrases like 'I am..' and 'I will..' Eliminate words like 'try' and 'should'. Positive self-talk can and does work wonders.
Stay away from negatives, whether that's people, places or things. Understand that you have the right and the ability to have the kind of life you want and that you completely and totally deserve to be happy. I'm not going to tell you that this will be easy, but when the doubts creep in, think your way through them and recognize them for the negative programming from the past that they are.
I know that the idea of never drinking again is a tough stumbling block for many of us, but I also know ways today to accomplish anything that alcohol ever did for me without touching a drop and defintely without feeling like crap the next day! I used to tell myself that I needed a drink to sleep soundly - not a problem at all today, thanks to good nutrition and a sane lifestyle.
More than anything else, start being good to yourself, because you deserve good things! Get that idea from your head to your heart and I promise you that your life will start to change in very positive ways!
-Mary- Re: Jumping in head first....to Mary Blueduck
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- Re: Jumping in head first jsparrowtail
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This is a reply to # 377,512Hi Mary. My name is Jennifer and I am an alcoholic on day two of no drinking. I have tried before and failed but as you said I think it's the negative messages I am sending myself after years of negative patterns. So it's good to have support. I tried AA and didn't like it at all. (I think I don't look like an alcoholic, or how you would think one would look like even though I am, so people ignored me!) That's how I felt anyway. I know I can do this. I feel great today and look darn good considering I'm 46 and all the drinking I've done over the years. So it's a fresh start and a new day and I'm thinking about how much better I will be tomorrow. Thought I'd write because in the past I'd say it's a holiday, an excuse to drink. They are all excuses to drink and there is no excuse. Besides I feel too good on my organic tea and lemon. If you'd care to reply I'd appreciate it because I truly do not have a support system and this site is serving as that for me. Thank you Mary. Your words are encouraging. After all we truly are spiritual beings in physical bodies so we DO have way more power than we think we do.
Best regards, Jennifer
- Re: Jumping in head first....to Mary Blueduck
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- Re: Jumping in head first Chaz
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- Re: Jumping in head first serenity now
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- Re: Jumping in head first coachme4success
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- Re: Jumping in head first shadowalker164
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- Re: Jumping in head first shadowalker164
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- Re: Jumping in head first coachme4success
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- Re: Jumping in head first stoneface
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This is a reply to # 377,502Hi Mary,
Concratulations to You first. It sounds like You "found" Youself.
I would like to ask You a question or two after my brief story.
Earlier in that year 1983 i stopped drinking after several years of alcohol drinking that culminated to very heavy last half a year. Ten years earlier i quit smoking for the reason that it made me sick especially those days that i used alcohol.
Drinking took a king size efford to stop, but i knew, there was no alternative, if i was to live any longer.
However my attitude was: if i can't stop it myself, i am beond help.
On the following year i had myself back to normal, overweight gone, alcohol gone, new partner, no worries.
Life, as we all know, throws many challenges to us, some of them too big to handle.
My worries were not all behind me.
Smoking i quit for life, when i did it. As i stopped drinking i never made that commitment. Pure reason for that was simply practical: i did not want to feel like "fish on dry land" in social caterings, even less to make my new partner feeling like that.
As the time rolled on, pressures in life increased and so did the drinking.
Totally new situation opened in my life: I felt like a painter who forgot, where the doorway is when painting a floor. I painted myself in the corner, nowhere to go.
Alcohol was (in my eyes) my savior, the releave valve for the pressure.
Because if i can't take the pressure, i will hurt not only myself but 3 other people.
I have no doubt, some friends would say i am an alcoholic.
I admitted that 1983 myself and consecuently stopped drinking.
Pressure in my life is disappearing these days, so is alcohol abuse.
At present i am too scared to stop drinking completely.
I cut alcohol drasticly half a year ago with terrifying result:
Two weeks in a hospital intensive care ward: suspected coronary artery blockage.
I was lucky this time, no surgery required, NOT YET!
(The whole story is much more compicated and ugly as far as doctors are concerned in that incident.)
Alcohol is a solvent that helps to keep my bloodvessels open.
I will need a lot of convincing to change my mind!
Question 1. When is a person an alcoholic? How would You draw the line?
Question 2. If i admit: "i am an alcoholic", do i deed to carry that "label" rest of my life?
(I notised You introduced Youself so in the opening sentence).
I wish You happy life ahead and be stong in You commitments.
One of the things in life is beatiful: Freedom of choice!
All the best
SF
- Re: Jumping in head first coachme4success
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This is a reply to # 377,515Hi Stoneface! Interesting story you have and congratulations on kicking the smoking habit - that's a real hard one to break. How to determine whether or not someone is an alcoholic is probably impossible for someone else to determine because all of us react differently to alcohol - our bodies metabolize alcohol at different rates, our backgrounds are different, etc. You're really the only person who can answer that question - if it's causing problems, then chances are it is the problem, but that may be too simplistic. If your alcohol use regularly puts you in uncomfortable positions, either at the time or afterward, or causes you to do things that you didn't want to do and you are unable to leave it alone despite the problems it causes in your life, then you probably have your answer.
The difficulty at times though with this approach is the way that we often rationalize our drinking to the point that we may not even see it as a problem, even though it's acutely obvious to those close to us. At some point though, if we're honest with ourselves, it's possible for us to recognize the effects the alcohol is having, even when we would not admit it to others.
How you label yourself is entirely up to you, I would say. I identify myself that way when introdcuing myself in a group such as this because I want people to know that I am not just some curious bystander dropping in to watch the drunks argue. It's just not a big deal to me one way or the other anymore and I'm not ashamed of it.
You brought up not wanting to feel out of place socially because of not having a drink and I think that's probably a pretty common feeling in the beginning. My solution in the early days was just to order a ginger ale or a glass of water with a lemon twist and sip it slow so nobody would try to buy me another one. As I grew more comfortable, I would just tell people that I didn't drink and let them draw their own conclusions because ultimately I'm not really concerned with what others think about me - my primary concern is what I think of myself.
Clear as mud, right? :)
-Mary
- Re: Jumping in head first coachme4success
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- Re: Jumping in head first Chaz
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