Hi all, just gotta come clean here and hoping to find some much needed support.
Its been a long road for me, constantly bouncing back and forth from binging to purging... but making progress, step by step....
I have been purge free for about 2 years now...
And I have make alot of ground just educating myself regarding proper food, juice fasting benifits, raw food benifits. I have eliminated processed food and most meats and dairy from my diet.
However I find I still binge eat. But I am making progress as well, by just digging deep into the roots of my need to find comfort in food, and by learning eating disciplines and learning about what sort of things stimulate food addictions (mostly SAD type foods)
HOWEVER, I still have HUGE laspes.... mostly to logic coming from my DR ATKIN days. The thinking which says, lots of fats and protiens are ok as long as I dont eat carbs with them.....
So my latest trick is to binge on ATKINS food.... but then to follow that with laxitive abuse.....
I will consume bowls of psyluim husks, unbroken flax seeds, bennotine clay and pots of very strong senna tea.
Don't you ever sit back and wonder WHAT IN THE WORLD YOU ARE THINKING WHEN YOU ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A ABUSING CYCLE???????
Anyways, I am trying to change my thinking.....
Keep trying to remind myself that its not just a issue of weight but also a issue of health.
THat DR ATKINS has lied to me, and regardless of weight gain or not all that protien and fat is HARMFUL!!!!!!
I need to become completely accepting of the truth of the LIES I have let myself believe all this time. To really see them as they are (lies) and take ownership of it.
There is no easy way out of this. I am still looking for a way to have my cake and eat it too so to speak.....
I guess, my question is this.....
I need to expose to myself the lies about my laxitive abuse now.
Besides the fact that about 3:00 in the morning when I am in pain on the toilet that it is STUPID!!!
Does anyone have some hard core reality that I can shock myself with about what this kind of behavior is really doing to my body????
I really need to start getting real with myself in every dark little corner of my eating problems to find my eluded COMPLETE victory.