The weight gain is probably due to what is called "the starvation factor" when the digestive system shuts down from disuse. Your body retains a lot of undigested food when digestion slows. As soon as you start eating regularly, you will go to the bathroom more often and clear out a lot (20 pounds or more) of undigested food. Also drinking the required amount of water (half ounce for every pound of body weight) will help digestion. You might lose 10 pounds the first week just by having better digestion and going to the bathroom at least once a day. It would be helpful if you got probiotics and Fructo-oligo-saccharides from the health food store, or YOGURT with the enzymes. Check the website I list at the bottom of this message, BIGOREXIA affects both men and women, and there are other eating disorders. Each bowel movement can account for a loss of two pounds or more.

You are so right, dear one. It is ALL about emotional roots. And it is a way to hurt yourself, even though this is happening at the unconcsious level. You can bring the unconscious to the conscious through bodywork and a very good psychotherapist who specializes in eating disorders. I offer you hope, I have seen healing of these issues in clients and a relative. It takes commitment and a good strong will, and it sounds like you have those when you say "I want to stop" Read my post on this forum, with some other recommendations including a good book. Blessings