should I get a divorce? 
scorpio21
18 y
2,090
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I don't know whether I should get a divorce or not. Here's the deal: my husband is a good man, he's never cheated on me or physically abused me. But, i think he has verbally abused me with words, but he just doesn't know he's doing it.
Here are the bad things about our relationship:
-he constantly teases me about my social phobia/anxiety, saying I'm a "wimp", "crybaby", and that I just need to "toughen up, because my parents spoiled me". Nothing could be farther from the truth!
-He blames me for things that go wrong such as forgetting things, breaking something, etc. Sometimes its my fault and sometimes its not.
-I want very badly to start a vegan Living foods diet, but my husband doesn't want any part in it and thinks i'm crazy for wanting to do this.
-he's very tight with money, i can't even buy something i need, like food!
-we do not share the same sense of humor, desire for children, sexual desires, or interests (maybe just one or two interests)
-he will not defend me in a situation where someone is being mean to me
-I guess I'm overly-sensitive, but he doesn't understand how i feel
Here are the good things about our relationship:
-he is very faithful and so am I
-he doesn't make me do anything I hate to do
-we have fun together sometimes
-if he knows he's doing something wrong, he will truely be sorry, but if he doesn't know he did something wrong, he keeps doing it
I've tried for 3 years now to make the marriage better, but it's just not happening. We tried to compromise on how to spend out lives, but we never get anywhere, things just stay the way they are. The reason I married him in the first place was because we thought I was pregnant, but it turned out to be a false alarm. Also, my parents pressured me to marry him because he was successful, kind, ambitious, and was the complete opposite of me, so he could change me into something better. I admit I have changed dramatically for the better, but I'm still not happy because I feel like there's still someone better for me out there.
Does anybody have any advice? What should I do?
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- Re: should I get a divorce? #59245
18 y
1,965
This is a reply to # 267,241Advertisement
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Sounds like you are not happy, and he sound very controlling. I would get to a therapist immediately and sort this out. Unfortunately, you'll never find the answer here on a forum. No one here can possibly know the depth of the issues in your relationship.
Tell him you want to go to counseling. If he doesn't want to go, go alone. If you are afraid to tell him you want counseling, then I think that will speak volumes right there. Be brave, tell him.
Not all abuse is physical. Most times it's simply a control issue. Control by making your partner feel worthless. Control by withholding money. Control by seemingly harmless kidding, that borders on insulting. Think about all the things you may not be free to do. Are you free? If you honestly say no, then you need to discuss this with a professional.
Relationships should exist to support, and free the other person, so that they can go out and face the world, and have a safe harbor at home. That's how it's supposed to feel. Do you feel like you are safe at home? Do you feel like you will be treated with the kind of respect that any person should deserve? Are you treated like an equal partner?
I urge you to seek professional advice.
I wish you so much luck. This is very difficult, I know.
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- Re: should I get a divorce? #50789
18 y
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This is a reply to # 267,241Hi Scorpio, that sounds like a difficult situation. I am guessing from your question, that there is the potential for you wanting it to work? Or am I mistaken?
I am very familiar with having social phobia/anxiety, as well as a husband that likes to be in charge. I don't know if a controlling personality constitutes abuse, but then I don't know the specifics of your relationship, and I guess it is an individual thing on how much a person can tolerate.
I have been a vegetarian my whole life, and have gone back and forth on vegan/vegetarian and eating some fish, and my husband never jumped on the band wagon, we learned how to adjust to each other's seperate ways of eating. He has never understood it.(you had brought that up as a concern)
I guess the point is that I can live with that. Maybe that is something that you can not live with. If you are thinking of divorcing your husband due to these issues they are important enough to you, and it sounds like he is NOT getting it. Maybe you need to sit down and tell him it's serious, I am thinking of leaving this marriage, that is how serious it is. Be sure to communicate in a loving way, or it may turn into a fight. Marital counseling is always a good idea. I wish you luck.
- Re: should I get a divorce? #59245
18 y
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