You sound like you are emotionally hurt - it is totally normal to feel the way you do. I truly hope that you will feel better soon.

Do you have a trusted friend to talk with, and let out some of your pent up emotion? Talking is freeing.

Sorry to hear about your problem. There are many reasons that you have for losing control, but the biggest is you have no control of the situation. You can do almost nothing to change your husbands mind. Many men will never admit they are wrong about anything. Even if he is having an affair, he'll still say you drove him to it. Everything is always someone elses fault. I don't understand how women can put up with us.

What your husband has so cleverly done, as is the case with many men, he has absolved himself, by blaming you for the failed marriage. Men make excuses for their bad behavior. They're the first to leave a marriage when problems arise. They are also most likely to put their parents in a nursing home; that way their lives will not be affected.

Men are spoiled by their parents, especially their mothers. What you might have to do, if you really want a child, is start mothering him.

Sorry