Madsheila, I'm sorry that you're discovering this at this point of your life. But, this is what typically happens when people get to a specific point and finally begin doing some self-examination.
If you're unhappy in your marriage, it may be an option to speak to someone that could provide some objective insight.
Been there, did it, got out, lost everything, gained everything that's important, and I'm firmly on my Healing Path.
If fear is a great presence in decision-making, it is 100% rooted in the codependency and probably requires the help of a mature, trained, and licensed professional. Childhood traumas and family dysfunction are typically what cause codependency, in the first place. Those subjects are very challenging to confront and manage.