What I am about to tell you is a true story and "not a troll question". I think, I molested someone? :*/ You could call it incest or whatever you want to call it, but I think it was molest not rape... It was a mistake, that I do regret and wish never (should nevered) happened "I really do mean it!" I just need some help and advice please without someone being mean, "even know, I prob deserve it!" I will give you some information, I was between 20-21 and she was a child. We are (was) very close, I am her favorite family member, before this happened; she was always in my room playing around with mystuff since she could walk. And when she started to be able to talk and use controllers and game systems, computers, those type of objects. She would play PS3 with me all the time, in my room just the two of us, since she lived with us. Well one day; It was in the afternoon around between 11-12, we was in my room playing the PS3 (LBP) since that was her fav game! "I was on the floor and she was on my bed" and during the game, we was laughing and having fun, talking, chilling. And it started, she put down the game controller and jumped at me trying to push me over cause i was sitting and she got in my lap and we were messing around. I started tickling her and after that she kissed my cheek, so I kissed her cheek back. And she said, what i "thought was f*** me!" Yes, that is what i honest thought she said! So i did not really do anything, i just ignored it but, i was still messing with her (same thing, I already said earlier and was pillow fighting her and tossing her on my bed!) I had my phone on my bed and it had porn on it cause I had it on there an "I forgot to take it off" an she seen it for only like 15 secounds until i grabed the phone fast so she could not look at it and wonder what it was. So I took it, turned the porn off and (put a game on for her, on the phone) and it right back. She started to play on it and I took a pillow laid it on her back an layed my head on the pillow, I was watching the T.V. and playing the game. And I layed my arms out, I did not notice where i put them until after i relized where they where, (they where on her behind area) it was not on purpose "i promise" that is not the type of person i am, for real! So I notice she did not care so at this point "I know it sounds sick but please just read the story and do not judge me" I felt so acttached to her that I thought would she care if I put my hand on her behind? Shee did not really care! So i did not ethier so I so started to squezze it and she never said stop or no and did not seem to really care. I stop after a minute got up and went to get something to drink and came back and sat back down on my floor (to watch the T.V.), she was still on my bed playing on the phone, 10 mins later she left to go watch T.V. out in the living room and then a couple of hours later she came back to chill with me. We was messing around again an I asked her to take off her panties an if i could her (you know what) so she did not want to really at first then i asked again and said please and then she did! It was by my door and then I took her and layed her down on my bed and spread her legs just a little and before "i did anything" i thought about not doing it at first for the first 5-10 secs but, (I could not help these urges i get but do it) this is what I did; All I did was oral and rub her for only like 30-45 secs cause I knew it was wrong and bad and sick and horrible, "I never stuck anything in her or show her my pennis or anything like that cause i knew it was wrong!" I never forced her to ethier, (if she said no I would not have did) yes i know "i should of never did it anyways, i wish i didnt"... But I did, that was never my intentions in the first place when she came in my room. I just took avantage of my best freind family member an this situation (I really am sorry it happened) that is why I am posting it on a forum so i can get help. "So i can prove that what i did was wrong and to show how much I am hurt and sorry over/for what I did. It happened 3 other times from 2011-2012 "the same thing each time, i thought she did not care the first time so why not see if she would let me again (i was not thinking when I did it, about how wrong it was until in the middle of what i did and that is why i stoped after only 30 secs an when i stoped i felt wrong for doing it and hated myself over it and wishing i did not do that!) :*( I am not a rapist that is the only time i ever did something like, i do not go around looking for kids or trying to force a girl into sex an rape her, i am not a sick person, i am always leaving the room when one of my gfs are trying to change and they ask me nicely to leave. And I have no crime record, i don't drink or smoke, I am a church person, i am very kind, i never look at girls as sex objects and i never thought about doing anything like that ever, I am not that type of person believe me please, I was always shy in High School and when i saw someone else doing something like it i alwayed cussed them out and i never make any trouble anywhere around town or to any one or any stores or any forums. I been thinking about killing my self over an being bipolar does not help, i already been to the mental hosipital 6 times "for a week each time" before all this happened over trying to commit suicide and i needed help and cause 911 had me go to the hosipital. I also have a porn an sex addiction, i have tons of porn on my PS3 an phone and watch it almost 7 hours a day 4-5 days a week. And i am always thinking about turning myself into the police but then if i do my family would want to kill me and would hate me for ever an then i would really commit suicide an i would have to be in jail for a long time an they would put as a sex offender an they would hate me an they would not want me anymore. I need some serious help please fast. I do not know what to do? I am sorry for making you read all this long story an stuff but i need some advice.