Doc10, you and I seem to have a way of thinking alike :D
My friend, I read your posts all the time and have never answered you. In fact, I haven't posted here in a very long time, althugh I always read through the forum.
Today I feel I really want to respond to you, even if others here have done a great job already.
You appear to have such a difficult time distinguishing between the voice of God and the voice of the enemy. You also seem to be 'hell bent' on condemming yourself all the time. Normally i would say that laying out a fleece can be a risky thing, as indeed another voice besides the One you are looking for could answer. However, in this case the question you posed was for God to porve Himself to you, and you received a supernatural demostration of just what you were asking for. Now, logically speaking, why would satan answer that in the affirmative? His job is to bring doubts over God's existence and character, not offer proof of His existence.
I would not continue to ask for fleeces because of the interference we already discussed. However, I would take this incident as definite proof that God is listening to you and is very much wanting you to know He is with you.
Stop worrying about blaspheming the Holy Spitrit! Like Mama catpatch said, no one who is concerned with offending God has that desire in their hearts. God knows EVERYTHING, and He knows your heart, better than we know our own hearts, which the Word calls "desperately wicked". Yet, God knowing this still loves us!!!
There is a dark presence that is constantly feeding you FEARS and LIES and compels you to do those things you despise. These presences are effective in getting you to think their evil suggestions are you thinking and acting. Good news is = You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free!! But setting free is an action, not empty concept.
I have no idea where you live, what church you go to or what your life is like, but I know that you need a good deliverance ministry to pray with you and set you free of all these awful oppressions that you are a victim to. Jesus came to set the captives free!! No demon is too big for the power of God, but you have to know where to go and how to get rid of these trespassers.
You are God's property. Everything I hear from you is that of a very honest but conflicted person. You actually love God and His righteousness more than your conscious mind allows you to understand, but the spirit makes your intention manifest, and you are very honestly seeking.
Just be encouraged, and know that God loves you and He is not angry with you, you are just trapped, but He has the answer.
Seek out a minstry that has experience dealing with people that have problems/situations similar to yours. If you like to read, I can suggest a few good books.
Trust me, this is all you need. God has great plans for you and wants to use you, you just need a little "holy Spirit"soap to groom you for the task at hand,
Blessings and hugs.
The blasphemer that has offended the Holy Spirit has a hardened heart. I don't see this in you ... you are in fear of the Almighty and that proves you aren't hardened. You know good and well that I've tried and tested you ... you know good and well I wouldn't waste my time if I thought so!!
The blasphere that has lost the battle and has a hard heart is like: "TO HELL WITH GOD" .... "TO HELL WITH MERCY" ... "TO HELL WITH GRACE" ... "TO HELL WITH SALVATION" ... "TO HELL WITH HEAVEN" ... "TO HELL WITH THE THRONE" ... "TO HELL WITH THE CROSS"
I see you as one that is searching for assurance that He is still there for you and I know that I know that He is, cuz He's told me that He is.
Just above here, is yet another telling you to "seek deliverance." How many times is God gonna need to send you the message? If there's a #, I'll be glad to convey it to Him for you!!! 2 should have been enough, but you need more and He's still sending you the message. WAKE UP, BROTHER!!