I just wanted to report that I had made this achievement.
There is some pretty terrifying stuff going on with me but the fasting is at least back on track. I am happy I could fast the 4 days with not so much trouble as before. I need to learn to fast yet longer, for a really therapeutic experience. I think the key is support.
This is the first fast of significant length that I have not reported to the forum whilst it was in progress. i simply felt too insecure with the fast and I think it may have been helpful to keep it to myself. But I DID want to share that I had done it. ... There is a bit of difficulty with trust for me with other people generally because I feel most of the time like I have to self-conceal a lot. I am a person to whom a certain amount of control is important and I need to assert that without being lectured about it. Such reactions are damaging to me and inappropriate. I need to be respected and accepted in my need for control, slimness, being as thin as I need to be. Again, please , no lectures. They are, as I say, inappropriate and ONLY damaging. my life's work is pretty much to recover from food addiction and get my health back. I need to get strong again. Sometimes I feel that I can only for the moment really make a connection with people who really identify with me in the need for empowerment/"control." i need responses from people who accept and respect this need.
I want to write about what I am enduring with my food addiction and about my determination to get into the solution. i am back on raw foods only (more details on the full story of the past 2 months later) and committed to that as a life choice. But I remain, as before, trapped in a pattern of overeating fruit. And using enemas to counter the effects of this. I am not advocating this -- please -- do not rip me apart. I am merely reporting. i know I am making myself so ill with this behavior. I have met other people who behave and suffer as i do with fruit. I think it is a sort of identifiable and perhaps even common addiction. I am trying to sit down and discern my patterns in it. Oh, if you identify, PLEASE write back or email.
I have not binged after the fast but I have taken enemas because I did eat more than my (sensitive, but I must respect that) body can handle and gotten bloated. So, according to my body, I have binged. I have overeaten to an extent to cause a reaction. I have done so knowingly. It is compulsion and it is so painful. i need to raise my life UP so I stop doing this. I am going for spiritual help from support groups...... And the enemas were taken in order to enable eating: this is absolutely not OK behavior: using enemas to enable food addiction and I am posting to protest against it and keep myself accountable. What I ate after the fast was: 8:45 pm, 520 calories all fruit and part of an onion and some greens and some sprouts. I was going to try to be on sprouts only and this would have been good, but... the addiction... the triggering quality of fruit, for me... Then 11:30? pm: 400 more calories of fruit. .. Just too much food at once. At like 3:15 am I woke up and ate 120 calories MORE of fruit. All of this was acid fruit : kiwis, blueberries, raspberries. The blueberries felt like they were the most bloating component of what I ate though of course the reason for bloating is always EXCESSIVE QUANTITY not individual food intolerances
.. though that is a trick statement because one will never overeat nontriggering foods and pretty much always overeat triggering foods (foods for which one has the "intolerance..." I feel one develops intolerances for all things one chronically abuses) .. What is GOOD TODAY is I have respected my body and NOT eaten at all today (its 6 30 pm) . I could not handle food. i had the most horrible false hunger so in truth I did eat a bit. I ate the rest of the onion and then greens and sprouts. i noticed a lot of anger coming up today (you can tell by this post, too) and I had a bit of an outburst against my housemate, the one that incessantly creates noise and also stares violatingly at me when I enter common areas. I am not nuts or oversensitive. The other housemates notice and acknowledge this person's behavior as well. Oh hell. Anyway -- I noticed that when I got angry today at my housemate I ate. Crunched the onion. so classically self-hurting behavior. I had the veggies beside me all day and I NEVER eat casually grazing like that. So bad, for me. BUT I have held down my food consumption to this salad-type stuff all day so far. Course, I woke up at noon. BUT that means I slept a LOT -- always good. The only bad news is I am gonna do an enema right now cause the excessive consumption (again not by usual standards but rather excessive for my body and THAT is what counts) of the onion/greens/sprouts today has bloated me. And I just "can't stand" getting through the evening without a food fix. The grossest part is I can feel how the fruit I am compulsed to eat is gonna bloat me and I can't even respect THAT, which I usually can. I can usually at least determine to eat spicy things instead -- I am sure this unbalances my intestinal bacteria and is a part of the whole problem... oh for a long fast and for deliverance from my emotional dependence on food. ....So I am compulsed to do the enema to force my body to tolerate food and then I am compulsed to after the enema go to whole foods and get... blueberries which were what bloated me last night the worst of all the foods though of course it is the QUANTITIY EATEN not the specific things eaten OR EVEN THEIR COMBINATIONS that cause the bloat. Food combining is such nonsense I am sorry. yeah sometimes it prevents bloating but it is all in the service of forcing food into the body when the body cannot really handle food. And if you eat small-enough quantities of foods , quantities that respect your body's perhaps VERY limited capacity to handle food, the combining doesn't matter (see Gabriel Cousens MD "Conscious Eating" also the classic work "alkalize or Die"). I think it really does no good to force into the body more than it can deal with for where it's at at the moment. I must find a way to get "food-sober" , to achieve a food sobriety the rules of which would be that I would respect my body's limits. Of course, in relation to this, to quantity control, as I say above -- in some sense WHAT you eat DOES matter because if you eat foods that are less triggering you will overeat less. So content determines quantity eaten and quantity eaten is very very difficult to control if you don't control WHAT you eat. so the CONTENT of my diet has got to be the basis of my food sobriety. All other rules for eating will be so much easier to follow if content gets under control. For me this means getting onto a diet of bitter tasting sprouts nonstarchy ones only. I have got to design a serious plan for easing onto the living-only sprouts-only diet. To do this I really want to deal spiritually with my resistance to this abstinence. I have a support person for this now from a support group. i wish he would get in touch with me but I think he intuitively knew I was too compulsed to eat today to break out of my shell and get together with him. I was frantic to just hold myself down in my room all day and prevent myself from jetting out to the market and spending money and stuffing myself and bloating myself and hurting myself. But i have done this. ... I am rather more sensitive after a fast i.e. I KNOW much more what is REALLY going on in my body -- I am not as anesthetized, so it feels very alarming all the time what with my not being able to go force down as much food as my compulsions demand since I am conscious of this not being OK with my body. After a fast this consciousness is heightened. Hence, pain, from the conflict between "I want" and "But that is painful."
I have to really come up with a plan for getting truly "food-sober." I am fixated on food so much. NO, it is NOT because of "deficiencies." I am SO SICK OF HEARING THAT, so please DO NOT POST THAT TO ME. It is simply never true. tHat sort of thinking is the product of a food-addicted mindset in the world. it is so damaging I believe to spread this fear-thinking. I am very convinced by Dr. Edward Dewey: "the minute we begin to fast we begin to starve NOT the sick man but the DISEASE." I would REALLY appreciate people not coming on and posting caveats to this because that is just so fear-based and insulting. Really infantilizing. Like someone screaming at one that one HAS TO EAT. What a humiliating thing to put in the face of someone suffering horribly from compulsive overeating. Well, I just felt the need to say that. Thanks.
I just got a message from someone who cured her food addictions with Liver Flushes
so I am CAREFULLY going to start trying that sort of thing. parasite
cleanses etc. i believe in fasting as the true solution but want to look into this at least.
I do feel better after my fast and look pretty OK, too. Meaning I am pretty pleased with my appearance/the "youthing" effects of the fast.
I am really happy that I have progressed in my ability to fast and look forward to becoming able to fast at even greater lengths of time. When I began I could not do more than 2 days spontaneously but this fast was 4 days with no months of preparation/building up slowly the lengths of time I would fast slowly each week. It took me months of preparation in the past to get up to a4-day fast. I now have to get down and address my resistance to fasting at all, to food-sobriety at all; I feel I should go onto a long-term fast-lengthening plan/protocol, again, too. I should count my days on this. Count my days adhering to the fast-lengthening plan. I can't think at the moment of any other way to achieve a 10-day fast, or a 30-day fast, or whatever. I have to get used to fasting to the extent that longer fasts don't scare me any more.