From What I've read, you seem troubled that your husband has made online friends with people who share a common interest with him. I'm also gathering that you are concerned that one of those friends is female. Let me ask you this --- if all his online friend were male, would you still be troubled?

Does he spend so much time chatting online with people that when you weigh it out, it turns out that he spends more time with them than he does with you? Would you feel the same way if the friends lived locally and they got together in person?

When he chatted with the woman and told her he couldn't talk because you were sleeping---were you actually asleep?

All that said, from what you wrote, it seems like he isn't hiding anything from you. He has given you his passwords which tells me he doesn't mind if you were to check the sites he visits. My husband knows my email passwords and I know his. Even though we each can look at the other's email, we don't do it unless invited by the other to look at a specific email.

So...I'm guessing you are feeling insecure because he has some interests that are different from yours. That's perfectly normal in a marriage---in fact it is very healthy to have some interests that are different from your spouse's.

I have virtual online friends---some are in different countries. It's been a positive outlet in my life---especially these days when it seems (at least where I live) difficult to make and keep friends. Many of these women I chat with have been very supportive when I've vented about some problems. I, too, have been there for them.

In fact, I have exchanged private messages with male posters in other forums. It always has been about the forum subject---nothing more. I've told my husband about these chats, too. In one forum I'm always signed in. If he wanted to, he could see this for himself. He, too, has chatted with men and women about work related issues in various forums.

But I digress. Unless you think your husband has gotten to the point where he ignores you totally, then I say until you have reason not to, just trust him. It sounds like he extends the same trust to you.

If you think that playing this game has become an addiction for him, then you need to confront that issue. Point it out to him that he is spending far more time on this activity than he is with you. See what his reaction is. If he agrees to spend less time playing these games so that the two of you can have more time together, then that's good if he follows through. If he is in denial, then look into some counseling for the both of you.

Good luck to you!

I believe that you should trust your gut instincts. However, a female gamer is something rare overall. There could be some fascination with the idea and it's pleasing to think about, but if he lives openly, trust him. If there is something in your gut that says otherwise, then you must decide what to do next.

Some guys become immersed in gaming, paying little attention to the girlfriend/wife. Cheating can occur when there is little interaction for a long time between partners. However, I believe that on average, the female wants to spend more time together, while the male more often wants to have fun, regardless of her feelings.

You have to ask him to compromise some of his gaming time to do something with you every once in a while. When was the last time you and him had an engaging conversation? You may want the attention, but you have to get his and make it worth his time. The same goes for him, but he needs to realize that on his own or you need to express it explicitly, but in a sweet, caring, and loving manner.

I'm sure you've heard of it's not what you say, but how you say it. If you "feel" bad, negative, upset, or angry, then do not ask him to spend more time with you. Who wants to spend anytime with a negative person? You need to be in a good mood, inviting, and interested.


If I were in your shoes, I'd figure out how far this girl lives just to ease my mind. If your marriage is worth its weight, it will have more of these types of moments and it's up to the both of you to get through them.

Games can be addicting. It's hard to get between a junkie and a fix.

Perhaps it is time that you shared your feelings openly, honestly, and lovingly with him. Try different ways, but avoid nagging.

It sounds like the crucial trust element is still there, however you feel that yourself and himself are gradually growing apart. It is important you nip this in the bud as you see it becoming more of an issue.

You need to talk to him and let him know that this is bothering you, confront him and point out that it's rare for the two of you to do things together lately and that you want him to help you understand why he spends so much time gaming. Don't throw your hands up in the air and give up talking to him- it's the worst thing you could do.

He's starting to neglect your relationship; nothing wrong with gaming but too much of any one activity isn't productive. Good luck.