You want honesty, right?

1.You say---“sex is simply a physical act” Hmmm like playing a sport?

This is were your problem lies...having sex is so much more than a physical act and if you continue to see it as a mere physical activity then you will never be able to connect with your wife!

Sex is an exchange of life force, very powerful and NOT to be abused.

Personally, I don’t believe that you are telling the complete truth. I think that you have had sex outside of your marriage.

However, based on point one you are not worthy to be a husband and that is my honest opinion. You have a lot to learn about life. I am sorry if what I say is hurtful.

It is obvious you want to change and make things right and it appears that you are on the right course, for example, you have a good understanding of what your wife is going through and the importance of trust, but you still have some more work a head of you.

I wish you and your wife the best!

You didn't need to put your real name on this thing (if your real name is "Rob"), so there was no need to "destroy your friendships and professional relationships".

Rob, the drama is a bit thick. What is your intent here? Is this a "public" apology to your wife, almost like writing it in the sky and submitting yourself to a virtual flogging?

You cheated. Like million of men have both physically and on the internet. Cheating is as old as human time. Sure there might be some unsuspecting men out there that are unfamiliar with how these things transgress, but there is the escape button, the back button, you can type the words, "no thank you".

So if you want my validation now that this post will excuse you because you have laid it all out there, nope.

You are feeling how many men do when they have cheated. The guilt is intense I'm sure. Obviously you love your wife, but you don't need to be so dramatic about it. You haven't destroyed everything, unless she is now packing her bags to leave you. You'll both move on, and you won't play this way again, right Rob?

Now she knows you are capable of cheating. Yep, I'd say you have opened a proverbial can of worms. Posting some tell all story on the net will get from her what you want, or it won't. And you seriously didn't need to confess to her but the guilt must have really gotten to you. And for sure, you didn't need to shove it in her face so she got to read all these transgressions. That was just mean.

And as far as that other woman (or transexual or young boy or whatever you were posting with), wagging your finger at them and telling them to "leave married men alone"....Oh brother, I almost choked on my coffee. Shame on these people for leading you down the path of martial infidelity. As if you didn't have any resistance or mind of your own. Rob, that is an old one too, blame those bad, bad women. You the innocent taken in by these brazen hussies, poor you!

Sorry this happened to you Rob. Sorry you had to further expose your wife to more pain. Sorry about all the people that will tell you that you are full of shit. Sorry you felt the need to put a scarlet letter on your blog. I'm sorry I took precious time from my day to read this.

Your wife and you will now be in a more honest space and develop your relationship from there. These lessons come and go throughout a long term relationship. Time and patience will heal the wounds. But don't expect that she will ever forgive and forget and this may come back to haunt you for years to come, after all in the end you literally rubbed her nose in it.

Rob, I'd erase that entire blog and start living (physically) with my wife. Get off the internet for christs sake!! This is not life....

Molly

There are some things that I am not understanding about your situation... If our wife is as wonderful as you have described, and if you were having such a fabulous relationship... why were you spending so much time on the internet? Was there something missing from your marriage? What need or desire was being fulfilled with this 'other woman' that was not being met with your wife?

You have said that you have destroyed two lives... yours and that of your wife's. While I don't doubt that this may, indeed, be a very painful time for both of you, there is another way of looking at this. Allow me to give you an example from my own life...

I was previously married to a man that I loved very much and to whom I was very devoted. I had fully expected that we would remain married and both honor our wedding vows... we were best friends and had been together many years prior to getting married. However, we divorced a number of years ago. He was unfaithful in our marriage, and unwilling to give up his relationship with the 'other woman' and work things out with me. I was absolutely devastated in almost every way when we split up; my whole life was turned upside down! However, I was also very aware of something rather peculiar that was happening simultaneously to his pulling away from me.

While we shared a great deal in common, loved each other quite deeply, expressed a lot of affection for each other, were supportive of each other, and very rarely fought... there was one very important element that was missing in our marriage. We were not sexually compatible with each other, and neither one of us was getting our sexual needs met. My way of dealing with this, on an unconscious level, was to shut down physically and simply not experience much sexual desire. We even saw a therapist about it, however, we were not able to work it out. In hindsight, this was no surprise to me as the chemistry just wasn't right between us. And his way of dealing with this was to eventually go elsewhere in order to have his sexual needs met. Again, in hindsight, this is no surprise as sexual expression is a very important part of a marital relationship.

So what was this peculiar thing that happened to me? Well, as he began pulling away from me and then eventually left me, my sexual desire simultaneously returned... and in spades! It was one of the most bizarre things that I had ever experienced up until that time! There I was... my marriage was disintegrating, in many ways I was a basket case, and yet sexually I was more alive and healthier than I had ever been! Talk about a cosmic joke, lol! Now I have a much greater understanding of the dynamics between us, and am much happier and healthier to have my sexuality back! It is simply too essential a part of who we are not to have it! And in that way, I consider the break-up of my marriage as a great gift!

Additionally, prior to our split I had never really learned how to live well on my own and be independent. I was terrified of being alone when my husband first left, and I was an emotional wreck! Many times I wondered if I would ever get through it, and I went into a very deep Depression that lasted for some time. Gradually I worked my way out of that dark pit, and... long-story short... I was all the more stronger and healthier for having gone through it! Now I am perfectly capable of doing things on my own, relish the time I have to myself, and enjoy my own company. Yet another great gift!

And if a relationship with anyone is not adding something positive to my life, I simply don't bother with it! I've also learned that if a relationship is not working for one person, it is really not working for either of them... and it is best to let it go! Especially between men and women in a relationship, it's either both win or no one really wins, and... in my opinion... this even includes children. With each relationship that I have ever had... no matter how painful or how positive... I have learned an incredible amount about myself and others, and every bit of it has been beneficial in some way. They are all gifts!

So... when you say that you have destroyed two lives, is that really the case? Perhaps another way of looking at it is that there are cycles of destruction and creation, and both are necessary parts of our personal evolution. Without a doubt, the life that you and your wife have had together is over as you both knew it. However, that does not mean that either one of your lives are destroyed. Whether together or separate, you each have an opportunity to create something even better! And what that may be is for each one of you to decide!

I have read this story twice. First time trying to absorb as is!
Second time I red it as the narcissist female has wridden it.
I mean a female who can’t see too many faults in herself wanting to destroy her husband’s life.
It made more sense to me seeing that way.
The story is too long if a man would write it!

If a marriage has fallen to the level where one goes to internet looking for another partner even for fun, then BOTH PARTNERS need to go in front of a mirror and ask: WHAT IS WRONG!
Successful marriage needs two active partners!

Well, Rob.....I am in agreement with Molly and Alikat that, if you have, indeed, posted your story under your REAL name for the global community of the internet to read, you've done yourself AND your wife a terrible injustice. Your..."confession"...should have been delivered to your wife, in person, and in the presence of a marital counselor if, in fact, you believed that you were married to the woman of your dreams. Apparently, SHE WASN'T, otherwise you would have kept yourself TO your Self and behaved like a grownup instead of a teenager.

Your "public" apology/confession does not, by any stretch of the imagination, absolve you for your sins against your wife. The "other woman" cannot be blamed for having "taken" you from your wife - YOU made the committment and YOU chose to break your word. You could just as easily have said, "You know, I'm flattered, but I am very, very married and I'm going to have to end our conversations." Instead, you took the route that filled whatever need you had at the moment.

If I were your wife, I'd be laughing all the way to the divorce attorney's office.

There is the possibility (as some have already pointed out) that this post and webpage are part of some sick prank. It's practically unheard of to put up a webpage ripping open your personal woes, denouncing yourself and inviting scorn like this. The OP only has this one post on CZ and posted it in 3 forums- couldn't be any more call for attention to it than if he/she had put up a virtual neon flashing sign.

Either way this is going incredibly overboard. If "rob" was looking for advice about this he should have gone to a local counselor or shrink; sounds like he enjoys wallowing in his own misery and some degree of self-pity. This is an issue (an apology) he should have taken up with his wife personally, learned from his mistakes, then moved on with his life- not posted it on the internet for all to see. This is extremely unusual for someone to do, which further raises my skepticism that it's genuine.

And of course it's a tempting target for jilted women everywhere to post foaming-at-the-mouth rants against men, like we're all like that... sheesh. This whole thing is lame- whoever did this needs to get a life and grow up.