Yesterday started with my neighbor coming
to mow the yard at 7 in the morning. I was
awake, waiting for my SWF to move the earth
under my feet...ggg. Within a half hour, my
neighbor was at the side door proudly dangling
a dead copperhead for me, like a kid showing
his mom a dead rat. Little did he realize how
yuck that seemed to me while fasting. It made
me a little nauseous but fortunately, the poo
parade began and I quickly forgot the perils
of life in the country and actually felt sorry
for the snake. I have lived here for years and
have never killed a snake yet. I usually call
the dogs in, give the snake a shower and tell
them to get moving.
I listened to the sound of the mower all day.
He finished at 3 in the afternoon, having
taken a short lunch break, which he also took
pleasure in reminding me, if you were eating,
you could have some of....
The fresh cut grass smelled good. Like I was
swimming in a glass of wheatgrass~and the lawn
really looked nice.
Finally company came and the evening was full of
catching up on gossip and me averting my eyes
whenever I passed the kitchen counter where
a roast chicken sat cooling and wafting a smell
to live for. I almost drooled on myself and
there was fresh broccoli, fruit and cold sweating
beer. Next month, I murmured to myself, without
much conviction...ggg.
I tried to stay up late but a hot bath, a steaming
cup of Smooth Move, a chapter in my book and I
was out the door to dreamland...another successful
day of MCing and more important, not succumbing
to temptation.
Today, was a up hill day. I avoided the kitchen
while breakfast was being made. I did not feel
strong enough to actually watch company eat. It
was enough I had to smell the great smells of
a morning kitchen. Fortunately they made mate and
not coffee or I may have stumbled. I remember having
these doubts last year too though. For me, its like
a loss of self to deny myself what I consider self
nourishment and nurturing. Of course, I will be fine
in another week and under the cap of the self-empowered
I will staunchly refuse all who come bearing food.
There is no doubt I can do this, but at the moment,
my willpower is unwillingly doing it...ggg.
I had to go to town for lemons and was glad to get
out, having been in the house for too long. I decided
to get my oil changed and use the time to get a pedicure
while I waited. That made me feel better that I was not
taking myself out to lunch. A really nice guy named
Andy rushed to help me and soon I was sitting in one
of those fancy dancy chairs which massage you, knead
you and roll your back as if you were a loaf of bread
dough. It felt wonderful. Of course, he prettied my toes
and painted them with "Coral Star" polish. Then he gave
me an exquisite foot massage and moved up my legs. I
had naughty thoughts for a moment but told him I hoped
he did these things for his wife, it felt so good. His
face lit up and he grinned and said, yes, he did.
It was over too soon and I was off to the next town
and the Sam's. My, oh my, how the smells hit my olfactory
nerve the second I pushed my cart through the door.
I never remember Sam's smelling so good. I did not look
at anything but the faces of the women and men thrusting
morsels of food my way like carnival hawkers. I declined
politely and each time, kept mentally patting myself on
the back. Good girl I told myself, feeling more like a
reluctant puppy. I reminded myself I needed to wait a
bit longer before I revisited a "museum of food" any
time soon.
I surprised myself by feeling so wiped on the way home.
Finally, some real detox symptoms I could hang my hat on,
I thought. It was a long drive but at last, I arrived home
and put everything away. I was glad to see that I would
have some quiet time and went to hide out in my room, with
the intention of listening to the news. I woke up a couple
of hours later, actually glad that I had slipped away since
I had begun to feel like I was ready to fall into a deep
hibernation at any moment, and the sleep refreshed me.
Aaaahhh....fun to play catch up with my lemonades and
water, visiting and enjoying the day winding down since
I never really felt I woke up today. My brain fog never
really lifted totally but I felt glad for a few things...
that my detox had finally kicked in, and that most
certainly, I had happy feet~~!
Sweet dreams~~to those fasting~~
blessings,
Zoe
_-_
